A Conservation Of Energy

one thing i’ve been doing that has surprising side effects is when starting work i not only don’t set my personal laptop up, i don’t engage with coworkers for at least the first few hours.

 

it took awhile but the people around me are now use to forgoing the standard office welcomings. let alone the normal jeffery energy and animation that explodes naturally out of me. it was also an adjustment on my part to get use to. but since i’ve been conserving and internalizing that energy i can be much more focused on work and surprise surprise it makes the work much easier! who knew?! and the really surprising thing is the amount of added energy i have! it’s like WOW how much energy my loving life animated activeness uses. it may have taken me 57 years to actually notice this. for as long as i’ve been jeffery i’ve been like this. sure i have a few down days where i’m worn out or sick but for the most part it’s wake-up in the morning HELLO WORLD let’s dance! this personality and energy is very often reflected back to me as a reward (there has been a few times my mother hasn’t been so thrilled to greet it in the morning though) which fuels and encourages me. and then it becomes a part of the practice for me to be the guy bringing that to the party or group. at times it feels like a responsibility but most of the time i can’t wait and need to express and spread my energy like that. that’s why i love football games and concerts and big spaces to exercise that energy. there were many times in my past where my energy output was too big for the room and the people in it. and maybe too big for a few relationships i’ve been in. and it made me feel restricted and confined. but now that i’m older, wiser and have “gotten mine” and or made a mark that has fulfilled my ego requirements i can manage this energy better. i’ve always been able to channel it into deep focused determination or action thereby heightening my senses and ability to super human levels, but to experience this energy in a more moderate, relaxed, more gentle less aggressive way is kind of new. it was either full on or fully deflect.

so, where was i? oh yeah, the extra energy from moderating or internalizing my animated happiness is amazing. imagine a restless bored kid who is expected to sit still. that very probably was me up thru my adulthood. factor in how intelligent and skilled i am and then imagine the possibility of my idle hands in the devil’s workshop. the internet and writing like this has provided me a platform and an outlet for all this that has always been going on inside me.

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