august 8, 2008http://www.c-spanvideo.org/program/196800-1
may 12, 2008
youngstown vindicator article
dec 25, 2007
why did i find it a surprise when i realized that the most powerful thing ive seen in the universe is directly related to the hardest job known to man? the simplest realizations are the most beautiful and most complex sometimes. and thats genius. being able to explain complex things in simple terms is genius. i got off track, merry christmas. realizing that santa claus has nothing to with the birth of the savior was another simple realization i had a couple days ago. im sure ive thought about this before and even argued it. but it hit me really hard a couple days ago when i thought santa claus is blasphemy and idol worship. santa claus is atheistic in nature. a
the most powerful and strongest thing ive seen in this universe is a mother’s love. the hardest job or undertaking i know of is parenting by far. i believe a mother’s love for her offspring to be instinctive as ive seen it change the animal. before we had consciousness something very strong motivated us to undertake the burden and forgo the risk to ourselves to raise offspring. imagine an animal in the wild raising offspring when it still has natural predators. thats a dangerous heavy burden. something strong was needed to motivate an animal in its greatest task in life, so evolved mother’s love. possibly from that came emotion, communication, speech, consciousness, etc
dec 4, 2007
i forgot what i was gonna say, i swear. i think it was good too. oh yeah i remember. i havent watched any of my youtube videos in about 3 weeks. not a single one. there were days when i was continually re-watching my videos im talking like a dozen times over easy each. i was also making like a video a day. i was into it.that was then.
consciousness is still the best by far. im gaining weight maybe like 20lbs even but im still good. i know how to get it off and im not worried about that. if im worriedabout anything its loosing the will or the ability to cut it back on. in these momentsi truly question if i have lost it. so far its always come back and every time it feelsthreateningly real and rewarding at the same time to actually question yourcapabilities at that level. there are limits though, every system only bends so much.sensing and being aware and reacting. health is key also. health makes happiness possible.
dec 3, 2007
i am depressed. i came here to say that. i thought i probably had already said it here and still want to say it again. i am depressed. not “im gonna kill myself” depressed, but physically “i dont want to do nothing depressed.” its good in some ways and i know it is for a purpose. im trying to create and write in this condition but truly dont have the will. went to SF last weekend and had a gooooood time. so the highs are still attainable in very good ways. im just flat right now. no fears, no tensions, no apprehensions. all is good.
god must be bored. if he is omnipotent and knows everything and has been in existence forever and is eternal he must be bored as fuck. unless he can see the many universes growing and developing, but even then- if he knows everything and what is going to happen to everything that is no fun. eternity like that is like a prison sentence. the christian promised heaven is not something human beings are designed to handle. we just aint happy being happy. we need more. ignorance may not be bliss but it makes life exciting. there is a difference between acting cool and being cool. being cool has its downside too. being cool about everything where nothing excites you is boring. being cool comes from experience. the “i been here before.” life could be a “i been here before” at some point. and then you are cool about everything and you’re not acting cool. bored in paradise.
once you get it all figured out, it becomes another whole game. no matter what it is. imagine life all figured out where you realize and are comfortable with all the “i dont knows.” being content with the unknown in combination with having a large part of it figured out to where you are completely comfortable with the limits of your knowledge. and you find there is no reason to fear anything. even death. when you loose your fear of death. maybe thats it. truly loosing your fear of dying. not that you want to engage, embrace or antagonize death in any way. with understanding all fear is gone. combine that with life experience and gained knowledge to push you closer to mysticisms.
if there isnt something bigger, we can or will evolve to create it or be it. humans will overcome death in more tangible ways than memory and instinct. if there arent more direct connections between consciousness’ we will evolve them. if there are “networks” or mediums in place already where an individuals conscious information energy can interact with others or a whole. we will find it or evolve them.
distance is my 2nd best friend, i’m my first.
i love us more than i love you.
jeffery scott mitchell
nov 6, 2007
i have everything, therefore i have nothing. human limitations. im sober, but high off a contentment maybe humans are not designed to handle. we need struggle or a function. there is no happiness with eternal life. death makes life rewarding. and not the going to heaven death, but death as in the acknowledgement that one day your life will end. if it gets too easy it really is no good anymore, the way humans are built. probably why dominant species die out. boredom. complacency. humans are not the end all or reason for life. we are just one of many positions of life. consciousness is the greatest thing in this physical universe.
maybe its the change of season. my somber laziness in it all. it wasn’t all the weed’s fault. the smoking was just a part of it. its much bigger than the weed. it going anywhere and everywhere with such confidence and been here before. a no tension here we go again. more and more freedom to do what i want and when. singing and talking to myself loudly and proudly in public and enjoying it more than if i was with someone i was in love with. in love with someone else may not even be possible for me anymore. i dont see how anybody or anything can be better than what i got right now. i am by far my best freind. me and my mission. distance is my second best friend. the distance that i keep humans from me keeps it right. most socialized humans allow and expect people to be too close to them. its ok for friends and family to cross over inside your personal boundaries. i cant have that anymore. im way too comfortable alone in my space. they say they feel sorry for me cause im like this. how i appreciate but am not strung out on personal relationships. i say im the happiest most complete person i know. i never get an argument when i make that statement, so i use it as my stopper. LOL. that made me laugh.
i love coming here to write. i bet if i look back, i’ll see that every year this time i come here in this mood and write this way. i do believe its seasonal as i so love summer and the sun. days are short. its dark at 6:30p. i cant imagine living thru an ohio winter. im sure i could get thru it, but the cold and the short days where the sun never comes out would definitely depress me. i see why drinking is popular back there. weed in winter almost seems like a waste unless your house is so hot you need to jobs to pay the heating bills. going outside to smoke and then coming back in the house is fun the first two or three times. but it gets old. the high just aint the same. weed and winter hibernation dont seem to mix. i can see going some serious places however locked up for days with good weed and the means to create.
i bet this mood is seasonal and if i check i bet i say the same thing every year this time.
“its better to be alone than to wish you were”
oct 27, 2007
mattresses are over-rated. i sleep on a hard concrete carpeted floor on top of as much blanket padding i got. mattresses are just not firm enough for me. i have become use to stretching and relaxing my body in ways i cannot in a mattress that gives and cannot support my body weight. more than likely to get a good mattress you may have to spend thousands on the frame, boxspring, etc. one thing about the traditional western bed and mattress system is that it gets you off the floor and out of the drafts, dust, and other things at floor level.
my bedding is spread out in the center of the room allowing me a freedom of movement and a vast area to spread out in. i cover my bedding with a top comforter that i can walk on top of without shoes, as ive also grown accustomed to not wearing shoes in any house that i am in. this opens up my smaller bedroom tremendously. i feel there is also something psychological going on and feels like a eastern philosophy thing as i can sense the expanse i am sleeping on is more open and more free. when i travel and sleep in hotel beds they are cool and feel very pleasurable at first. very, very relaxing and maybe too relaxing making me feel lazy, maybe. then when i go to stretch or my body expects support and the bed gives its uncomfortable.
i also do not have a couch in my apartment to lounge in. a couch is definitely intoxication to the body. i have a recliner i got from goodwill that is basically no good any more and not comfortable at all and i will replace that and can see possibly investing in a “good” one that gives me the proper support to relax my back and rest.
oct 25, 2007
an ode to BLACK FEMALE
10/23/2007 9:27:04 P.M. PDT PFUNK1 writes:
the people i talk to about BLACK FEMALES and “how they are,” agree that “you people” are like that. they may even agree that it is not a good thing. but they ALWAYS defend the black female and try to understand how she is.
they will explain why she is like that and not only side with her but have accepted it and have learn to tolerate her “attitude” and disposition.
i cant sit there and tolerate it quietly. when she steps over the PERSONAL BOUNDARIES i’ve worked to establish i must defend myself and my territory. her or anybody. and most times she doesn’t even realize what she is doing…
like i said before, no matter how messed up or maybe dysfunctional i personally think the BLACK FEMALE may be, it would be a bigger tragedy if she changed. it could even disrupt our social structure.
but i aint the one who’s gonna sit by quietly and “take” it
(god bless the children)
jeffery scott mitchell
10/24/2007 9:04:17 A.M. PDT, ********** writes:
10/24/2007 10:07:31 A.M. PDT, PFUNK1 writes:
the smart sassy attitude and response when they are asked a question. this is almost universally agreed upon that black females are just like that, and its accepted. i will not just accept it any longer. i talk to all people with respect and expect it in return. the fussing. im sure in the mind of a black female she may not realize it. she may think that since she is helping, her over bearing attitude is justified.
black female in general is confrontational and aggressive and most people over look it and let them get away with it. its disrespectful, even if she thinks its in the name of love and caring. one that comes to mind is when a black female stranger, a person i have never met before just started ordering me around like she had the right. like it was a natural thing for me to fall into her idea and plan. she was educated and versed, but casually dismissed common politeness maybe because we both were black-
either way i no longer sit back and accept that.
black woman feel they have the right to “help” you if you want it or not. and they over step a person’s personal boundary truly thinking they are helping.
i stated that if black female changed it could disrupt the social structure that we have and to loose that strength and spicy attitude could be a tragedy. thinking it, it could disrupt it for good also!! in my experiences, black females are stronger than the black male. whats funny is she can handle her “man” but not her sons. i wonder how this strong black female can almost literally beat her man down but cant get her son to finish school. im not putting blame on the black female, im just wondering if this is accurate.
i wasn’t trying to talk about our family, but in general. about our family i made a point that there are no men. then mommy (mommy? see!!) started naming men who were born into our family. then i realized that there is only 1 man that i know who married into our family. this in itself could be a statement.
when (my 5 yr old neice) is around you guys her response to me, no matter what i say, is a smart look and “attitude” back. ill ask her why she responded like that and she doesn’t know. i dont joke and tease her anymore cause i dont want there to be any provoking on my part. when its just me and her, we talk and there is none of that. i do not joke or provoke any of you any more cause i dont want confrontation.
ive experienced white woman and that confortation isnt there. but sometimes suzy softspoken gets old and some aggression is comforting. but a person should not have to come home to confrontation 90% of the time.
ive learned why most black married men just dont talk anymore. i think sadly, ive learned that too. i just dont talk around yall no more. or i just remove myself. sometimes i cant and want to engage and end up having to defend myself for something a black female perceives as threatening. maybe with my role in this family this is just how it has to be. that i can accept, but its hard to tolerate.
and it may be me and how i allowed this to develop over the years and maybe i even provoked or deserve it- maybe. either way, at this point im recognizing it.
and ofcourse, im not saying ALL of anybody. and yes, there are some black females who i think dont have this attitude, and right or wrong its my perception they come of as acting white to me.
i hope that we can actually discuss this intelligently without emotional remarks, or he dont knows, or even shut ups!!!
and if there is something i say or do- and NOT what i “make it seem like” im willing to listen.
i grow weary of the constant confrontation and defensiveness
whew!!! this feels good!!!
please fwd this one around to all your friends-
10/25/2007 9:19:37 A.M. PDT, PFUNK1 writes:
one more thing: and this is family related. the way you guys pick with each other is brutal!!! while i was “in it” and it began to get heavy i felt funny feeling this way. i guess i had grown use to it and to stand against it seemed to make me feel “weak,” like i couldn’t take it.
but now that i have gotten out of it, so to speak- i say “gotten y’all off me” i sit and listen to the way you guys talk to each other sometimes and its harsh and brutal!! it may be fun to you guys and obviously ya’ll think its nothing, but its totally disrespectful and i do not and will not let ANYONE talk to me or treat me like that anymore, playing or not.
i have earned a high level of respect from everyone i know and the public around me and NOBODY talks to me or treats me in the
condescending way you guys treat each other. it cant be healthy.
it is not my intention to rant about this, i just really want to get it off my chest.
i may also be using my personal experiences with you guys to better understand a situation that puzzles me. and sometimes i almost feel “wrong” for defending myself!!!
oct 8, 2007
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10/11/2007 – Mormonism: Behind the Mask – Richard Packham
10/18/2007 – Who changed the New Testament and Why? with Dr. Bart Ehrman
10/25/2007 – Bad Faith: The Danger of Religious Extremism – Dr. Neil Kressel
If you received this twice, atheistforums.com reported an error when I tried to send earlier.. so I’m sending it via thedebatehour instead.
sep 17, 2007
buddhism is just a story and an idea just like the other religions. i realized that no matter how harmonious this belief idea is creation did not come about because of a lotus flower or sumn. buddhism in all its wisdom and insight does not answer the creation story, at least i dont think. ok, i really havent looked deeply into it yet as i have been churning out video productions, but it hit me that buddhism is just as “bad” as christianity in some aspects and must be seen that way no matter how aligned i am with its philosophy. the story and analogies are good insight, but they aint happen just like the resurrection didnt.
sep 10, 2007
living forever doesnt work. there would be no happiness if life was eternal the way humans are wired now. an ever lasting physical body may have no practicality. an eternal consciousness or that kind of energy may make more practical sense.
a rock star dude backstage of a show brought up an idea of he heard that LSD opened the mind or brain up to understanding the quantum arena. i took the idea that could happen and applied it to the deepest feeling i know orgasm, and not LSD- without ruling out chemical stimuli.
the ability to be sensitive to or recognize let alone manipulate sub atomic particles / energy in that realm using the neurons and synapses in our brains somehow at that sub atomic level when we transcend our normal consciousness like during orgasm or drug use or deep meditation. western life is designed to keep you engaged with normal life and in a “normal” consciousness. thats why the greatest figures in history stepped away from the norm for long periods of time and returned with a deeper understanding. either by living in the dessert for 40 years or by dropping out of society and living under the radar (like me?) and outside of the system that homogenizes us and our thinking in ways we may never know since we are inside of it all the time.
things are changing though, the question may be can a growing conscious awareness in the west over take the antiquated economic and religious monster that built the west. i guess it has to as even rome fell. maybe its the same as it has always been. one races and cultures of people have been in a religious economic struggle for thousands of years with another. i bet the osama bin laden / muslim “arab thing?” is basically the same stuggles the romans and greeks fought against peoples of their times. western civilization survived thru britian to the united states. caucasian. rome adopted christianity. britain conquered the world.
here we go again, ive been here before. i have seen the ethnicity of the people in early egytian artwork and heard of the great civilization and the libraries of egpyt was. did the greeks conquer and steal egyptian knowledge and understanding? were the greeks caucasian? i believe there is a consistent nature in people that comes from their deep heritage (evolution). there is a nature to war (vikings, etc) in some people and there are others who couldn’t kill a bug (native americans). maybe hunter- gatherer thing even. yes, im revisiting all this but it feels good cause it still seems to hold true. data and knowledge i have gained since the last time i thought of this seems to match up. i do this for everything always all the time.
i said white people invented pornography and i was right. it was the catholic church. porn literally comes from the “art” of the early christian catholic church. the soft sexy pictures in the sistene chapel is the first porn. the feet, the gestures, the skin tones, everything. porn is caucasian in nature. christianity may have been the only religion to allow pictures and visual representations in the religion. (this is idol worship actually; mary, the cross. all that symbolism is blasphemy). porn can be beautiful and i believe in the “proper” use of art pornography and the exercise of lust (my favorite sin).
sep 8, 2007
for the love of wisdom
Lesson 4 “We’re Not in Kansas Anymore” Chapter Two
sep 4, 2007
yesterday i was on my way to san bernardino in the intense heat and decided i aint wanna make this drive. so i pulled off onto colorado blvd off the 134 fwy and called folks sayin i aint coming out. it was like 10:30 am or so and the freeways and streets were basically empty and tranquil. its funny im a morning person kinda but the people i see out in the morning are usually of the conservative and “boring” type. my energy is up in the morning and im ready to mix it up but all the cool people are still in bed sleep. this day was no different and add the fact it was a gentile, white, docile old town pasadena people vibe too. i was aggressive and ready to be in somebodys face and this place and people were so passive it almost irritated me.
i left pasadena so “worked up” i drove straight to skid row and the midnight mission just to be in some shit. and i needed it prolly cause i been in my hot hot hot apartment working intensely on a project. i had a strong urge to be in the grittiness and aggressiveness or whatever of that kind of environment. folks talking crazy. tension. the freedom of expression. them white folks in pasadena all start to look alike at a point. the same styles, the same look, the same “civilized” passive movements and overly polite dispositions. the same shy insecure smiling…
maybe i wanted to just be in a place where i could be loud and noisy. and pasadena was easy as sunday morning. i get down to skid row and the energy and noise and dirt and reality of a city. even the tourists in hollywood can be so inexperienced its irritating to me at times. walking all close together in their tight groups wondering at the biggness of the city. maybe its a domesticated family life that grinds me.
the alpha males of some evolved mammals do not live with the females and the offspring.
aug 31, 2007
i love cnn. their recent special reports on god and religion are simply masterful.
aug 21, 2007
aug 19, 2007
when im out i dance with everybody there, all at the same time. last night at the greek theater i danced with hundreds of people all over that place for hours. i drifted around floating on the beat of the music i grew up on and love so much knowing hundreds of people were watching me. its euphoric. early before the show looking over the ampitheater hundreds of people in clear view sitting not moving. moderately funky 70s funk music at a very polite level. everything is arranged to be so polite and controlled at the greek theatre. not me, not when P-FUNK is in the house i dont care who’s house. i was respectful, but not polite. i danced so deep in it i love it sooo much.
i cant stand seats at a concert and this was a seat sitting event and venue. no standing in the aisles so i keep movin to find space to groove and vibe…
aug 17, 2007
regular people are corny. the majority of the people i surround myself with are not normal regular people. my god i can just imagine what a regular person from iowa is. well i have an idea i guess but i was suddenly re-reminded of it last night. reminded how non- normal and unconventional my thinking and lifestyle really is. the people i “party” with are not normal everyday working 9-5 with kids at home and pta meetings and this is not a complaint. normal people are in bed sleep well before 11pm. the bands i see arent even really awake till midnight. normal people do not party or go to a club to hear music without getting dressed up and rarely during the week. i dont even own a good pair of shoes anymore (exaggerated) . normal people may average going out as less as 1 time a year for “adult” fun. i average over 1 a week. and maybe the biggest thing is that regular people see, judge and make decisions on everything in the world in reference to their children.
|normal regular people give all glory and praises to god.
|“But on a day-to-day basis, religion doesn’t play a significant role in most Californians’ lives…”|
aug 9, 2007
im back to normal now the love condition having left my body. dont feel like making videos too much anymore. for a month there i was making like a video a day. wow. a whole month being high like that. imagine. right now i really dont feel like making any videos or expressing in that way. im just chill.
love as a drug used properly…
aug 8, 2007
im convinced i am having a form of orgasm when i climax while grooving in my car. seems the driving motion with the traffic audience and its motion with my years of grooving in this sitting position i can put on music and damn near get there at will now but not all the time. the mood has to be right and i usually start slower tempo and build. certain songs are good to climax on sting, thomas dolby, the sundays wow funny white recorded music but it was black church music and parliament funkadelic dr funkenstein live and years and years and years of that dance physical and mental and confidence and ego and social communication understanding emotional mystic drug experimentation & experiences all that went in. the energy or point of orgasm seems to be in my chest area upper body and related to spine movement and the building of tension then release. i can like build this tension with groove and repetitive movement that sometimes seems to become instinctive or unconscious groove and im able to add a beat in to that complicated groove making another complicated syncopated groove on that. so im working intensely and precisely rhythmically many muscles building tension until i cant take it anymore but i cant stop and thats when it feels good, when i get to the point it hurts and i cant go anymore but i cant stop. thats when i can stretch it and push it cause im feeling ive never been here before so its like all gravy now and i go as far and as long as i can and funny its usually right with the climax of certain songs. hmmmmmm. i seem to always time my climax with the songs without knowing wow it seems. maybe.
its the release of tension or built up adreneline or whatevers that feels like orgasm flowing all over my body. im at the point now i can literally feel the release of this “tension” and a flowing or blood rushing over my upper body and dissipating, i did it yesterday stuck in traffic to the point i was aware of what i was doing and went after it. thomas dolby i love you goodbye.
syncopation of rhythms and harmony with stimulating vocals with meanings that envoke mysticisms and creativities and internal energies.
i really believe its in me from ohio. for a time i thought i had discovered something but actually i may be chasing something that is literally in my blood. i must not forget the native american contribution to who i am in my family lineage. my mother has always spoke of the native american in my great grandmother and it may explain somethings if that the females are the “leaders” of society and not male dominated. the strongest people in my life are women by far, they are dominant but very nurturing and caring. but almost naturally dominant.
it just hit me after years of stating both that they are the same. i have always said that parenting is the hardest job in the world by far bar none. i have also said that i have seen nothing in this universe stronger than a mother’s love. duh. it would take the strongest thing to perform the hardest thing so this almost has to be a “natural” occurance. and IT IS MOTHER’S LOVE THROUGHOUT NATURE THAT MADE MODERN MAN. evolutionary physically mentally spiritually in every aspect its always some kind of mother giving birth and nurturing almost instinctively.
aug 7, 2007
i am so so e. i love entourage. i love john from cincinnatti. tbe things that happen in those shows touch so close to home to me its scary. like on entourage, they got young and the restless tie in episodes, and i been down with y&r since high school.
and a funky blue surfer car camper truck i just saw on john from cincinnatti i can swear i saw on the freeway and have video of somewhere in my many tapes.
even if the people at HBO or where ever are deliberately targeting an audience, as far as im concerned they are nailing it with their programming and what im noticing is a rotating cast of actors. trixie and the other guy from deadwood and stuff and i wont even mention the 6 feet under guy. or like when mary j blige was on entourage and said “keep jeff away from me he always staring at my butt” this stuff blows me away.
aug 2, 2007
the ability to find and go to the places in a groove or a rhythm where a beat has never existed-
is this creating time?
-jeffery scott mitchell
aug 1, 2007
july 31, 2007
amplification. what & where would music, song and rhythm be without technology.
july 29, 2007
i am so e.
july 28, 2007
i feel like writing for some reason. or it is that i want to be able to quick note ideas without making and editing a video. but for awhile there i had no desire to write or type in this forum. it was all youtube and it still may be, we’ll see. but for surely the key is you, the audience. you, the person reading this is the key. maybe my ultimate motivation. an audience. ive always loved having an audience. from one person to a large crowd to the millions on the internet. a place to express to on a saturday morning without any direct human contact. before my thoughts and mood has any “real” contact with the outside world.
its to the point that “coincidences” or removed references that represent something special to me happen so much i cant keep track of them. from shawney’s mom being from van nuys on john from cincinnatti to the “how to” medical marijuana instructional i got on entourage to everything its like overwhelming at times. but i think hbo is catering to a fanbase with their stories and subject matter. but even if they were and are, the fact that there is a target group that that they feel will respond to atheism, weed, not so much sex, etc makes me feel good. i align and believe in the messages in these shows. hbo’s entourage is me or i am it. i aint got the glam but the hustle is so beautifully the same. im e. i am soooo e. and just like him im gaining confidence in the game. and that comes from seeing and knowing and experiencing more and being able to recognize patterns and consistencies and develop strategies to be successful within those patterns and consistencies i am brilliant. genius. genius is being able explain or make complex things simple.
im rusty. it takes time and practice to get back to smooth and flowing writing. where it just rolls right from thought to screen with me being hardly aware of my typing. when i get lost in it. im kinda almost gettin lost in it. it may take awhile to get use to this keyboard and desk arrangement. its been a while since ive written…
im watching an aryan documentary about portland and they mention fishbone. watching little miss sunshine which made me cry and they eating dinah’s chicken, i just shot a youtube at dinah’s. stuff like that. and im not talking about the stuff that “should” happen when im watching the daily show or colbert report. theses shows are down with what i am and may “cater” my likes because we believe the same so there will be many cross references there. im talking about the coincidentals that come from remote removed sources.
the youtube democratic debates were fantastic. i was so pleased and am sooooo happy that an atheist got to ask a question!! thats all i ask!! to see one of us or to have what i believed in acknowledged. not even acknowledged, just displayed at the national level. i should look up who that was cause i hope he is getting celebrated and gettin props. i should have sent a video question in. i fucked up. they only got like 3000. i even know the question and how i want to phrase it. dinah’s has this all yoiu can eat thing i gotta check out and maybe the best fried chicken in the world yes better than albertsons!
i will get a medical marijuana card as soon as i can afford it. i was out on tour kinda with fishbone when i told my mother i smoked weed. that was like last year and yes i am 45. i felt i had to do so cause i hope to be a public advocate for legalization and its like if she knows i REALLY dont care if anybody else does i aint telling my father thats a whole nother universe LOL!!!
july 23, 2007
al gore should be our next president. he not only “created” the internet, but also current.tv
if randy moss and tom brady can play together this whole season, the new england patriots will win the 2008 superbowl
life is good.
it will be a struggle, but humans are on the “right” track.
i only drink water. no soft drinks, soda, tea, coffee. etc…
i do not eat “sugar” products or sweets anymore. no ice cream, cookies, cakes, candy or anything sugar based.
i eat for fuel. soon as i wake up i eat something if i want to or not. i eat small meals throughout the day. i even take food with me as a lunch to snack on where ever i am. i will take a can of soup, heat it up, put it in some tupperware and take some crackers with me so when im sitting in traffic and i get even the slightest little stomach rumble, i can re-fuel. if you starve yourself between meals you will get irritable and cranky.
i tap off my penis after urinating with toilet paper to prevent pee from running down my leg when im drinking a lot of water and peeing alot.
there has been humidity in california and i think its one of the most wonderful things. i love humidity and i feel most comfortable in it. i even breathe better and easier. with humidity, california has everything i probably could ask for.
answer this question: how did the universe come into being?
“i love you so much i hope i can’t have you”
jeffery scott mitchell
february 19, 2007
PFUNK1.COM: the business this is stuff im splitting away from WEFUNKWEST.COM. this is a move to better define and consolidate informations that are spanned across the many organizations im working with which pertain to me, PFUNK1. this will also better serve the organizations PFUNK1 supports.
november 21, 2006
Posted by jeffery on 11/21/2006, 12:31 pm, in reply to “Missin It?”
i do not agree with censorship in any form.maybe thats the bottom line to all this typing.i think the public outrage to richards and o.j. is a form of censorship.p-funk music dont talk about religion or love,but it do talk about race…maybe its me, but im so far beyond nigger that it was funny to me to hear “oh my god” and see human beings get upset cause a black man was called a nigger. i am sorta glad it happened,and that he didnt back down while on stage.i support him and this kind of display o fmaybe true emotion. or aggressive art or just someone actin an ass at the next level.we humans need it.and if he is a racist, so what in my thinking he is allowed to be. a person can hate and should be able to say whatever he wants, even the klan and white supremacists.
THE LINE IS DRAWN AT PHYSICAL CONTACT.
and when a person does what richards did, he will and deserves to suffer the consequences put on him by the social structure around him, maybe.just as with a racist, society will determine if you and your beliefs will allowed to be successful.there is a chance in life he may get away with no retribution. that is the way life works.
folks in the audience was ALL upset, sounded like someone was gonna faint. yeah i got a chill and a rush,but not outrage. and so what if i get outraged.its all a part of life.
to try and “regulate” racism or hatred on a stage is way too late. the understanding starts way eaileras any animal learns to react to it previous experiences-and what it is taught.
an example would be that it would not bother me when my kids are exposed to this kinda stuff even when they were young, cause “i know i taught them right.” they would know how to deal with this and how to gauge this particular threat. what does this individual and why is this individual threatening me in this manner? thats how i handle iti guess. im confident my children could handle this kind of situation (not saying they wont whip no ass or strike back with violence, but i hope they wont be left with any kind of hatred or fear.(damn im good, i love that wording)).its like name calling on the playground.life is like a NFL football game, a one player calls another a name.next play you run that ####er over, and demonstrate your superiority. you get your “revenge” on the field.not by going to the ref and complaining for him to stop callin you a name. and that dont mean you use violence, but you can strike back and show the strength of your beliefs aggressively thru action.like maybe this big ole black man who can run a corporation or lead the nfl in rushing cant handle someone calling him a nigger?”big ole” strapping male human being capable of such magnificence is gonna be hurt by being called a name? i believe im much too capable and too strong to let any name or words hurt me. thats just me, personally…
maybe o.j. simpson too. same thing, let them say what they want and read it or not. and yes form groups to protest,its all fair in life. at the highest levels of understanding EVERYTHING IS FAIR, or there is no fair or unfair- which is the same thing.
the goldmans were on larry king twice and i thought it weird for them to be so focused on o.j., even if he did what they think he did.i cant say cause the next question is what if it happens to me? i cant say cause i dont know but i would hope that i would be able to achieve a proper balance of revenge and forgiveness for myself to continue a healthy life. that could be even killing another human being and suffering the consequences for that act, i cant say cause i dont know so i would more than likely never tell someone how they should act or be or think. i just know how i am and what i think. and i have never killed anything in my life and may not even have the capacity to kill even a rabbit to eat, but the possibility cannot be censored out by not being thought about or considered.
there really is no right or wrong, only continuance. lieing is the only sin. when a consciousness deliberately relays information it “knows” to be false may be the ultimate sin in the universe. and we humans cause we have a higher form of consciousness can disseminate large quantities of misinformation and outright incorrect data and “act like we dont behave or think like that.” i do not like censorship in any form. maybe thats the bottom line to all this typing.i think the public outrage to richards is a form of censorship.local news and tv is a good example of how we process life to make it politically correct and mannerly and “what you spose to do”
i believe we all should be able to joke around about anything and talk about everything and oncewe can do that and ANY word can be used ANYTIME we will be better, cause our understanding will governs not our emotions.
thanks for the inspiration for this writing exercise.with youtube its been awhile since i been in this head space
september 26, 2006
september 20, 2006
september 11, 2006
september 8, 2006
july 10, 2006
june 30, 2006
happy birthday 5.5
june 21, 2006
i am depressed again. yeah. not “jump off a bridge” depressed, but i dont feel like doing nothing and nothing excites me depressed. and things in my life are going very very well, for the most part. it seems i dont hate anything but i hate my job right now. i really really do not want to be here. even the girls here that i love so much are not moving me right now. and its prolly, ok not prolly, it is my fault. i am in control of everything around me and i know that. people around me respond to me and i can accomplish or obtain basically whatever i put my mind to. last friday i was all but fired from this job and i know this is something i have been all but screaming for. im sure ive provoked and aggravated the powers that be here and i even knew and predicted that the course of action they would take would be to just fire me without warning. for the last few months here i have been out of control. doing whatever the hell i wanted as obnoxiously as i could do it. i openly disrespected the system here (not the people i hope) and feel i deserved to be fired when i all but was. then i got another chance and it kinda made me mad cause i was prepared to be fired.
i got what i felt i deserved and was fair and it still angered me. i was mad at the system for doing what it should have done. and now i am a form of depressed. i know what i need to do but i dont have the energy or motivation to do it. im flat and down and lowered. and when i get like this i come here to write. and it makes me feel better. i know this will pass. ive said and done this before. all i want to do is eat. my weight is down lower than its been in awhile to like the upper 220’s and this is after i went up to like the 240’s when all i wanted to do was sleep and fry chicken. i say that cause right now i wanna go eat my way out of this. im thinking chinese food- orange fuckin chicken the heavy shit. i dont want to put my weight back on but we all know how good food and over eating goes with forms of depression.
i was ready to be fired. only question i asked was will i be eligible for unemployment. mentally i had already went there. i have no savings to fall back on. i want to change careers and do this FUNK thing “fulltime.” i want to be able to devote my time and attention to something i feel is worthy, relevant, challenging, etc.
anyways i just went to lunch and had what i said i wanted; orange chicken, bbq pork, chow mein and rice. they didnt have the drink i wanted so i went to mcdonalds and got a large hi-c orange drink. this drink was so sweet its prolly gonna give me a headache. i sat outside between the arco tower skyscapers in the summer warm and looked at the girls and people. i am definitely in a depressed state. i thought again how this jobs seems to be the root of all my issues. but this time i thought that it could be worse if i didnt have a job. i remember how “bad” i felt when i was desperate to get a job to survive back in 2002. i REALLY didnt like that and the state i was in was not the best disposition to have when asking folks for a job. but things may be different this time, as i have other projects, accomplishments and stuff that should benefit me in my survival.
between unemployment and my 401k i should be able to have at least 6 months of living expenses. this was the case in 2000 when i “quit” Artisan. but i took like a year off to wander or whatever i was doing and then 9-11 happened and there were no jobs.
but the bottom line is this job is not the problem. its me. its me and what i want to do vs what i am doing. its what i think i am and my ego and spoiledness vs how i think my life should be. life is work. the lifestyle i want to live- HOLD UP! let me stop right here as i am reminded. I LOVE THE HBO SERIES ENTOURAGE. i fuckin love love love love that show. the last episode was set in the same valley that i live in and so many of the things they said and did hit home. its the life i want to live being portrayed the way i think it is and should be. of the main characters in the show im “e.” and in some cases literally im doing what he does or should be. in every episode somebody is smokin weed. i fuckin love that show.
ok, where was i? ok, i need to look for a new job. over the last weekend i updated my resume and it looks good. i looked at some job websites and there are positions advertised. my FUNK career is all but sittin there with her legs spread sayin “come on what you got?” opportunity is all around me and im way more than capable. a month ago i was operating at peak performance. my weight is down and my clothes fit well. i look and feel good for the most part. the tools and skills are there. i just need to execute.
and then after writing all that
i get a call and then after work
i end up in a studio listening to this.
and as i was reminded i commented outloud
that this is what it all is for;
the music first, and then the lifestyle
may 15, 2006
may 12, 2006
a friend of mine made a comment the other day along the lines of “dont make me not like you.” this was a response he had when i told him of something i may do that he obviously fundamentally disagrees with. there are a few subjects that i have noticed rub people the wrong way and i dont mean the usual sex, religion or politics. maybe it is political cause it deals with our system of welfare, unemployment and bankruptcy. my mother also was angered along these same lines in the past and i can understand why though i may not agree with it.
it seems certain people live their life according to a set of guidelines that may become deeply ingrained in them. they work very hard and stay very dedicated to a standard they set for themselves. they truly believe to the point they may not know or understand or can see it any other way. and they get angered when others take advantage or utilize or mis-use or whatever these ideals they have set for themselves.
my initial point to make writing this was that these people adopted or had instilled in them a philosophy or belief system or understanding which permits or causes this anger or frustration. i mean, sure i have strong differences with a lot of things that go on around me, even with certain people personally, but i do not let them get to me to the point of anger or frustation. the way i see it, that kind of behavior is not part of my philosophy regardless of the disagreement. maybe its just not in my nature, but i believe its a fundamental part of my belief for myself that nothing can or will effect me like that. if im doing something and living to a standard, it does not bother me if other people dont.
the other point to make was that its the person’s “choice” or up to that person to have this belief system that ends in dogma that leads to a constant frustration. tryin to live up to outdated ideals and standards that just dont work in todays world. i know 2 people who can not be happy because of the way they believe. they stand strong, honest and almost virtuous behind philosophies that leave them behind and not really enjoying life. its weird and a shame.
i guess im getting at the fact that my belief system seems not to lead to this caveat or dogma. people who do not believe as i do not anger me. there is nothing that just cause i dont do it and others do that it angers me. even someone getting an “unfair” advantage does not bother me. its part of the game. the way i see it is maybe some people have busted their ass and feel they didnt take the “easy” way out and are angered by those who have and seem to have an advantage. its a tough call and i feel for these people. i have lived a life so good that at times i feel i didnt deserve it. sometimes ive felt that as an able bodied male that i havent carried my weight and have lived a much better and free life than those that have. i see people with belief systems that limit them with phantom “what ifs” and have them engulfed in fear. i was once. ive had too much reverence for certain institutions that did not deserve it. then as i experienced them and was able to see for myself and make my own determinations i found that a lot of life is just smoke. its really not that serious. its really not to be feared so deeply and blindly. institutions instilled in us should be evaluated constantly for validity and relevance.
may 6, 2006
“enhancing the experience for the viewer” just heard that on tv.
funny that its a concept that me, a video content creator, just realized. i think as myself as an artist creating selfishly for my own enjoyment and should someone like it, coool. its a new concept for me to create so someone else will like it. in fact i was just thinking and told some people the other day that i may have never (at least as an adult or in a very very very long time) dressed up to impress a girl or to look good for a particular person. i cannot remember the associated feelings that would come from preparing myself to look good “for” somebody else. that is a foreign concept to me.
seems like every saturday morning i am moved to or close to tears . this time it was the movie orchestra wives made in 1942. and once again it was a movie that just happen to come on cause the tv was on that channel from the night before that touched on subject matter very relevant to whats going on in my life. the first sequence i saw the band was discussing going on the road and the perils that lie within. it was 1942 white band music that did have a swing or groove to it i bet for 1942 standards. there are no black people in this movie until the very end when two brothas come out and dance to the finale performance. the slang and lingo in the movie is very “hip” and the musicians and the lifestyle is portrayed exactly like what i think of as the “rock n roll” lifestyle. when i see things like this im reminded that this is all soooooo very deep and has been around so much longer than i. it is a lifestyle.
another idea that hit me is that under the rules of christianity, i HAVE to burn in hell. i was telling my favorite christian that in order for his belief system to work, i have to burn in hell cause if i dont it invalidates his whole philosophy. there is no way i can live the life i live and he live the life he does (we’re talking the idealized life for test purposes) and we both end up in the same place after death. i told him i could not embrace a belief system where built in is something like that. according to christian beliefs, over half the world and most of humanity will burn in hell cause they do not accept jesus as the only way to god.
may 6, 2006
“This series of exercises works systematically from the base of the spine to the top. All 26 vertebrae receive stimulation and all the energy centers receive a burst of energy. These exercises increase the circulation of the spinal fluid, which contributes to greater mental clarity. Regular practice of this series will give you increased vitality, help prevent backaches, reduce tension, and keep you young by increasing the flexibility of the spine.” http://www.kundaliniyoga.org/spinal.html
“Human Challenge and Gift – to fearlessly express our truth and hear the sound of the universe. Soul Desire – to be heard and understood, to transmit and receive the Truth. Primal Relationship – with our vibrational connection with all existance.” http://www.kundaliniyoga.org/chakra6.html
astrology works cause the constellations correspond to the seasons. people born or conceived (not sure yet) in the winter may have different dispositions than people born or conceived in the summer. im sure there is a species where the temperature of the embryo effects its development. it could be beneficial to a species if its offspring were born with varying dispositions, tendencies, and preferences. these would lead them to solve problems differently and thus provide the species as a whole a wider “worldview.” (or whatever the word is).
OHIO: i think the midwest was where black people found the most wealth and freedom and this lead to the evolution of some very magical people, both black and white. i also think the native american culture played a part.
may 4, 2006
i was on my way back to work from the alley (the shopping fashion district los angeles) after having bought 12 t-shirts that will be made into WEFUNKWEST promo gear when i heard the beginning of flashlight. stuff like that is so inspiring to me and i sang (not obnoxiously loud) and got into it like i was the only one on the bus. i let it go all thru me as i closed my eyes and concentrated on hearing the music as it was from a car that was on the street.
as i was gettin into it the only other black person on the f dash got up and a guy wearing a STEELERS hat sat in his seat.
may 1, 2006
los angeles is magical. plain and simply its magical here.
KOBE BRYANT is the best basketball player ever and possibly the greatest athlete ever. and the funny thing about me, i dont even think i like MR BRYANT. but i respect him and everything he has gone thru, regardless if it was deserved
april 30, 2006
i got up to go to work today. i got dressed, caught the bus to the station, entered the station and walked down the stairs to the train platform when i realized it was sunday. i asked the closes person who happened to be an older black female in nappier dreads was today sunday cause my phone which is never wrong said “Apr 30, 06 (Sun)” and i quote.
i LOL. i mean i really laughed outloud in amazement and proud celebration. i think this is such a cool thing. even if i just stay home and screw off the rest of the day. to be so relaxed that you dont even know what day it is, is the motherfuckin goal. to be able to go within yourself so deep for so long you loose track of physical time. i gained a day. i may have experienced so much within myself in one physical day that it felt like 2. i felt good going to work to and i was like “ready.” rested and in a good frame of mind.
my sense of physical time was off consciously, subconsciously, physically, spiritually, etc. maybe every aspect of my being lost its sync or tracking with the physical time in which we live.
i thought about laundry and it being monday and if i would do it when i got home. i thought about it being may 1 and a may 4 deadline approaching. so i was thinking and operating. my first notice was how empty the streets were. how light the traffic and the buzz was. i noticed the slow of sunday morning but expected the buzz of monday morning. i “found” reasoning for this that the immigrant protests slated for may 1 were very effective. i didnt mind going to work obviously as i was not fighting or resisting and may have even been enjoying it. actually i do enjoy the train and bus ride and being out in public. so actually this may be something i could be doing on sundays anyways. it is pleasant, very pleasant when public transportation is not crowded.
i went to bed early yesterday i think like 8pm or sumn i cant friggin remember (thats the goal! not to be able to remember). wait i watched a movie no i watched john mcwhorter on c-span this dude is bad shit clarence thomas was in the audience and this brother took off right in it for like an hour straight. anyways i watched another movie cause it went off like at 11:30 cause i note SNL was a rerun of cartoons yeah what was the movie i forget but i also watched steven colbert at the dc writers ball which i always seem to find entertaining every year. president bush was there and didnt look overly excited as ive seen him in the past. the jokes may have been scathing if im using the correct term. what was that movie the irony or angst of the movie is on the tip of my tongue shit what was it? love i think characters together shit i forget but it went off at 11:30 or so …fuckin BEWITCHED goddamnit that the movie with WILL FERRELL and NICOLE KIDMAN yeah it was interesting enough to keep me thru the whole thing. i just looked it up on yahoo tv cause i could not remember the movie at all and that was less than 12 hours ago and i watched it for 2 hours. this is the goal. the suspension from “reality.”
people tell me im in my own world and i am and i know it and its becoming more and more evident and significant. it has an impact or an effect on me its to that degree. but i want to keep being out there. this is the goal to be able to keep being out there. out here maybe now.
shit i need to pay my rent. oh cool i can have it post marked tomorrow as its the 1st. whew ok.
the temporary suspension from one’s surroundings to the point of loosing (or gaining depending on perspective) time. if i felt i “accomplished” enough and was ready for monday a day early, its as if i gained a free day. cause i was “ready” and “prepared” for the monday.
what will i do with the day? hell i dont have to do nothing. i do want to take a ride.
thats jefferytime. thats the jefferytime i talk about. to the point i lost a day. thats being within yourself. not so much blocking out, but not being aware or influenced or effected by external energies (information, data, strategy, intention, timing). “loosing” track of the rising and setting of the sun. loosing track of days. fuck ive written about it and said it enough that i got it down to a tight soundbyte. “to the point you not only dont know if its am or pm but what day it is.”
this is accomplished by a forms of meditation and yoga and dance and a certain thinking primarily, and not by an overwhelmed or “blackedout” state caused by any drug or alcohol. this is not some crazy stupor, i dont think anyways LOL. it dont hurt and i can function if need be. the suspension from certain functions or the suspension of certain functions.
i could go back to bed right now, thats where im at. or i could take a ride or turn a party out. its a nice relaxed it dont matterness that im drifting in. im playing in it now. im gettin hungry. thats what usually starts it. i eat and watch tv and that sets the tone. eating in front of the tv and then sleeping is the best. it is, lets face it. even for couples. even for couples of couples.
i want always to be able to go here.
april 11, 2006
HIP-HOP music is depressing…
Posted by PFUNK1 on 4/11/2006, 4:33 pm
back and forth to VEGAS in my mothers car that hasa cassette and i had none we listened to the radiothe whole trip. i would seek up and down the band everytime the music i was listening to got boring or commercials.there was a lot of ROCK, ROCK AND ROLL, 70’S, 80’S,HISPANIC, CHRISTIAN, MOTOWN, SOUL, BLUES, ETC…
i was touched listening to “oldtime” ROCK AND ROLLthat may be considered the true root of it all and ithought to myself “ITS ALL ROCK AND ROLL.”and i was touched by this.
so we’re on our way back and my mother is in theback just going off on the old songs from her day.she was getting into it and vibin it and so was iand it may be the first time i really truly appreciatedthat music cause i was feeling the groove and energy of it all.
so we are like close to home and im seeking the nextstation as they fade or get boring and a HIP-HOPsong comes on. it had been like hours and hours ofmusic with no HIP-HOP and soon as it came on- themusic, the beat or whatever, it felt depressing or depressed.
i reacted and switched it off real fast like it was somethingbad that i didnt want to bring me down. i hadnt hearda lyric or nothing but the beat or tone or natureof the music was regressive or depressed or simething.it brought the vibe way down.
i thought to myself that HIP HOP is not ROCK AND ROLLand may be in fact anti ROCK AND ROLL.
i thought about “upbeat” RAP music from back in theday and i pondered that was RAP and not HIP-HOP.
ROCK AND ROLL was born where i was and maybe thatswhats in me. SAM MOORE was doing the “im a soul man”song in a documentary called “only the strong survive”and the music of the orchestra band kept buildingand so did the groove and then the horns came in and itwas so beautiful and so familiar and so “just howi like it” and i realized this “thing” came so farbefore me and is so deep it made me cry. and i ainttalking shedding a tear, im talking an overwhelmingsense of happiness that was sustained and “pumped”tears from my eyes as my body handled the intense emotion.
i dont think the music of HIP-HOP is designed to do that.
FUNK and P-FUNK does. my main goal when i got to seePARLIAMENT/ FUNKADELIC is to have my eyes roll back in my head.to go to that altered state of consciousness at leastonce and then to go deeper if it can be maintained.
like when BILLY BASS NELSON and the rest of the mobtook us to that place at THE ECHO when theydid FUNKY DOLLAR BILL. that shit was cosmic-
can HIP-HOP do that?
march 29, 2006
january 25, 2006
my morning TREY LEWD
Posted by jeffery on 1/25/2006, 12:29 pm
because of all the FUNK stuff i do outside of work my motivation at and to get to work is suffering major. for years i have been the first shift guy opening up and providing reliable un-backed-up coverage.
but hell my motivation for this job i am at now has wained to the point i am no longer reliable to cover the first shift and this came to a head last friday when i called in sick (again) cause i was going to NAMM to hang out with funk stars and swing…
my boss is pissed as he should be and yes im long winding this story so he pulled me from the first shift and put me on the 9-5:30pm one. one side effect of this change is that now my morning commute is during rush hour and i am exposed to hundreds of people (and they me) who were still sleep when i use to get on the train at 5:40am.
them people also cause traffic and parking problems to the point that if you aint at the metrorail station by like 7am you aint parking and that was me on my 2nd day on this shift so i was like #### it ill drive in to work but the freeway was so crowded
i was like #### it im taking my car back home, parking it and taking a bus to the metrorail…
so i did this and im feeling good cause its daylight and im use to waking up in the dark and the weather aint bad and i still dont really care if im late for work or not so im walking up the street and i see what looks to be a homeless guy talking to his invisible friend in an obvious attempt to let off some steam. factor in the fact that the zone i am in has me all but fearless and not only am i not tensioned by animated people like that i gravitate to them to feel their energy. so i see this guy and yes again this story is taking the long road so i walk like i aint looking very close if not within what should be his personal space on a wide open public street.
i look up to say what up and make that eye contact to see what i can feel and its TREY LEWD!!! i was like WHAT THE ####?!!!! i was just listening to niggerish in the car from a live in 89 cd i got and i told him and we talked and he explained his situation and why he just happened to be on this corner 1 blk from my apartment obviously frustrated.
if you’ve ever talked to mr lewis you know how animated he is and im so struck to see him im all excited too so we going back and forth with the energy of teenagers.
this just ####in made my day and i take shit like this as signs im on the right track (and living in the right city) and that FUNK is something very very special and deep. to have elements of what i deeply believe in pop up in my life like this fuels my faith that FUNK is all that. more and more it moves me…
its either all that or coincidence and we know what funkadelic says about coincidence and i wont go into why mr lewis was frustrated and why the police officers said he couldn’t get back on the bus…
i love my life
(and oh yeah them PITTSBURGH STEELERS are in the superbowl!!!!!)
january 1, 2006
happy new year
we’re gonna blow the cobwebs out yo’mind.we are deeper than abortion, deeper than the notion- that the world was flat when it was round. -children of production, parliament
george clinton made an appearance at the templebar. looking back, that was a very special evening. having experienced the experience being within the experience, im just now able to see it for what it was.
it was a big evening and prolly even a very significant one. mr clinton very helped to turn it completely out.
and then dj rashida played mothership connection, she also played knee deep. it was good. dec 30, 2005.
december 15, 2005
all i wanna do is fry and eat chicken,
it will pass.
december 10, 2005
when my food was done i looked for a movie and the sum of us all caught my eye cause of the name then i seen russell crowe in it and i love mr crowe so i checked it out and his father is being called mr mitchell and as the movie goes on like maybe 30 minutes into it the father is calling his son what sounds like jeff but they are australian so you never know so i look it up and sure enough and its a DAMN good movie and had a song on it with a damn good groove…oh my god as soon as i post this there is a scene where mr crowe is smokin weed…he’s rollin one now i dont believe this the father just made reference to masturbation and they are discussing it oh my god so scary mr crowe just blazed…it was over 5 years ago september 2000 dailys where i wrote about mr crowe as jeffrey wigan in the movie the insider.
december 9, 2005
im somber again. and it seems i come here and write when i am. i got the best life in the world, but still i am a type of somber. prolly physically tired as my life has been a pendulum of highs and mediums and one low. a low from a serious concern for a co-worker who is going thru a tough time. a real tough time.
but overall, all the things ive been working for (maybe ALL my life) are coming together. and its like a beautiful ballet. well maybe thats somber overkill and overly poetic. but it is beautiful when i stop and look at it sometimes. a natural progression towards something that may encompass all my talents, passions, philosophies, theories, attributes, etc etc. like either i have created a situation that best fits me, or visa versa. like there is this non-expressed- blah blah blah ok ive grown weary of this. aborting.
i aint do shit at work today. walked around downtown los angeles and sat in the sun and rode the train for a couple hours. i cannot bring myself to do any corps work.
november 29, 2005
today i said hi to a female that i have walked by for like 2 years. a very attractive tall brown girl with legs and a booty and a body and a smile and hair and a booty and that wears minimal make up just how i have drawn them up in the past. im talking like 5’10 or sumn. i have watched her walk and been made giddy by it more than once. but today i was made just plain silly smiley happy by a hello from a girl. and i mean i was beaming ear to ear and i knew it cause i felt it and i didnt care. it may be in these moments that i revel most in my consciousness and in the possibility. and when life’s simplest is its grandest.
maybe i knew. maybe i built this simple act up to have such grand impact. sure i could have said hi and got to know her maybe but thats no fun. is it? would the pleasure i got from knowing her over this time amount to more than the pleasure i have received almost every lunch walking by and peeking at her for 2 years? and oh please add the level of pleasure and enjoyment i received today. that very may have been a new kind of high. not so much the most intense or highest of the highs, but a new one with a new kind of pleasure.
anyways its like 8pm and im winding down and am remembering that during my happy little boy episode today that i thought about writing this here. i mean, i actually went thru the feelings i would have when i sat down to type this as im doing now. i knew i would find the daily that i wrote about her and i would read and re-experience that and what i was feeling at that time and when. find out i wrote about her october 12, 2004 and this was like 8 days before i met the girl that im on the phone with now and who i earlier read the daily to and explained why i went to the daily in the first place. you see how good it can get from the simplest thing? (universe big, everybody&everything)
and ofcourse when daydreaming about writing this in the back of my mind was also the idea of getting a copy of this to her. and how i would feel writing about it now, and how i felt when i was thinking about it then. and how it made me feel then, when i thought about writing about presenting it to her before i did. and then the time in between. this consciousness is by far the best thing there is.
and if you noticed i said nothing of the actual event, the actual greeting we exchanged and how. it could almost have been irrelevant, but in this case i dont think it was. what i thought and how i interpreted our exchange played a big part as the glass was more than half full. not that i think she wants me or nothing but that she is well aware of the non relationship i have been having with her. i said hello feeling like “it is about time, aint it?” LOL and it seemed she did too.
thinking this more i got and had a few of these non relationships. LOL i almost truly do believe that once you talk to them it changes. they no longer are a fantasy and must be treated like a human. humans have what we have come to call “flaws” but fantasies dont. you have to deal with a real human being, but not with a fantasy.
in fact it was just last week when i came close to another major infatuation of mine to the point i made peace with the fantasy and prepared myself to meet her and make her human. i was cool about it too. i could feel the adreneline shout thru my body and my heart racing as i happened to glance up straight dead on eye to eye across the room with her. i thought i kept my cool externally and worked out in my head all the things that i would do and how i would handle greeting and meeting her. ofcourse handling the social requirements while enjoying the fading of the fantasy and hopefully somehow making subtly her aware that this transition is taking place right in front of her.
new theory before i forget: been thinking about what the “ultimate nothing” could have been. then i got the conclusion that there never was nothing. nothing is a concept like forever that can exist in concept only. the nothing questions helps answer another ultimate i have i “in the very begining, something had to create itself from nothing.” if there was never nothing, then something didnt have to create itself from a nothing. i posed this to my sister with my “forever” idea and she said if there never was nothing, then there is forever. got to admit that was a good one. it fits in with my thinking even though i dont have it all figured out yet.
also “love” literally definitely may have been what made us human. it also may have been the catalyst for consciousness. and consciousness and being human may be the same in a way in this case, kinda sorta too tired now for detail its tuesday cosmic oddessy night on discovery channel i hope they aint talking about mars again hey maybe cosmos!!!
cool cosmos and carl sagan in 10 minutes!!!!
october 17, 2005
|Sometimes I masterbate in the mirror.
Sometimes, I videotape it.
Then I masterbate to video of myself masterbating into a mirror.
Often, Ill take stills of myself masterbating to a video of myself masterbating into the mirror,
and then masterbate to those later.
Sometimes, I think of you. http://www.myspace.com/jo231sh
october 13, 2005
september 28, 2005
the reason i started and wrote the below daily was to state the fact that since monday sept 19 ive only eaten one piece of meat and that was chicken. and yeah i feel “better.” i still engaged in my 2nd fave sin and stuffed myself over the weekend (frozen fruscheta 4- cheese pizza, cookies, etc) but when i woke up after my 3rd fave sin sloth my stomach wasnt all in knots. almost felt refreshed if you can imagine that. i had eaten to the point my stomach was stuffed and felt like it was being stretched.
i feel i gotta do something to improve my energy and there are other vices i could give up that would prolly help me with that but i aint ready to let them go just yet. (yeah, id rather give up meat than them!). and i know i should get some exercise and have more vigorous activities that get my heart rate up. prolly should get a job that challenges and motivates me also, but hey. the point also being that one time i ate at a restaurant that i usually wouldnt with a friend and after i finished eating i had more energy than when i started! that blew me away. im mr beef and fried foods and ya know how you feel after meals like that. so when i had this kinda veggie turkey higher quality food (i forget what i had) and wasnt all tired and felt more energetic i was impressed. maybe cause im getting older and my body doesnt respond like it use to. i feel im in fairly good shape whether i am or not so i expect to be able to run around like a 20 sum’n…
september 26, 2005
time just be flyin’ when life is good! i been partyin’ and networking and creating (WEFUNKWEST.COM) and the what not but still, life goes by fast. feels like too fast even though its good, know what i mean? cause think about it, a person does not get this time back. it goes and its gone and then you die. hmmmm, thats prolly gotta be the topic of my next or one of my books: death and dying. like the reason for it; what death really is; how can a species evolve to overcome death; what technically and scientifically are the possibilities of consciousness continuing after the physical body stops; what is consciousness made up of (electrical impulses, physical connections, etc).
my first book one man’s FUNK ENETELCHY and THEORY OF UNIVERSEdid a good job in laying a foundation and getting in print the basis of my thinking. as it has been for maybe a year or so the direction and title of my next book will be one man’s ATHEISM. this is definitely the subject that im most attracted to and i feel “most” important. i will research atheism throughout history and present my conclusions according to my own subjective experiences. i will extract all the atheistic stuff in my first book and continue to build on it.
because i know things change and i stray from rigid commitments and predictions which cause responsibility, the tentative idea for my 3rd book is one man’s MASTURBATION. this is the official public debut of this. i am drawn to subjects that dont seem to get the proper attention or i feel are characterized improperly maybe because of outdated beliefs and conceptions. also there are things that ive been taught and told that are not consistent with my own personal experiences. over time i can develop an understanding of these inconsistencies and then begin to detail and explain them. this seems to be happening with the idea of masturbation and “artificially” stimulating one’s self. i mean think about it, orgasm is possibly the best physical instance of pleasure a human can have. its that way for a reason, not by accident. sex is for procreating. orgasm and sex are linked possibly via our evolution and played an important part in our development as humans im sure. but is it “necessary” to have them attached now that we are an evolved species? we can artificially stimulate ourselves to orgasm without sex. we can proceate without sex or orgasm now. (im rambling and grasping just to give you and idea of where im trying to go). combine that with an expanded freedom of thinking and consciousness and awareness and technology and etc and you have a whole new frontier. i believe masturbation or artificial sexual stimulation will be very big soon. slowly as historic religious ideas and taboos fade and as more people can become totally free to express and embrace this, the levels of pleasure will soar. the level of concentration and the degrees of deep experience that can be achieved is directly related to how comfortable a person is and how much “support” they get in this thinking as far as their community goes. this is the first time ive addressed this subject so my words and sentences will not be too smooth, but the framework for this book is there along with personal experiences which my claims are built upon.
so that should make my 4th book about death and dying. how will i title it? one man’s DEATH? LOL i dont know. and now that i have publicly laid out a tentative series of books i want to write, i note one other major subject that needs to be covered; love. one man’s LOVE has got to be done also. this should be done before death so that would make death my 5th book…
september 8, 2005
august 29, 2005
i ate two $5 funnel cakes saturday.
i ate a quart of dairy queen vanilla ice cream on sunday
along with a 3 meat pizza, 3 albertson’s prewrapped subs
2 fried chicken breasts, cheetos, 2 m&m cookies, ice cream sandwich
and a king size zero candy bar.
sloth is now officially my 3rd favorite sin.
august 26, 2005
GEORGE CLINTON @ TOWER RECORDS sept 5 midnite
august 22, 2005
i am completely zonkered. not sure if thats a word so i yahoo’ed it and what came back was what i thought it was. it means like extremely tired. when i kinda am but am prolly more lazy. i have a good life and good experiences. i just got back from ohio and pennsylvania where i saw the P-FUNK ALLSTARS and the PITTSBURGH STEELERS live. and this was the 2nd time this year this happened. ive loved P-FUNK and the STEELERS for like 30 years, so to see my two favorite external worldly passions like this is euphoric. its intoxicating. its like overwhelming and it makes me day dreamy and mushy when my life gets so good. i mean, im in love with my life.
and i hope most of y’all know what it feels like to be in love. sure there are some of y’all so contorted from life experiences that you are bitter and angry. and some have never experienced love or been in love before so they wouldnt know the feeling of day dreamy-ness and happiness love brings. i aint saying this right prolly cause im all wishy washy and unfocused and dont really feel like concentrating on finding the most poetic and stimulating words as being in love makes you like this.
being in love or having the love condition gives you a sense of complete well being. not sure if i wrote about this in a daily recently, but this is a conclusion i have recently come up with. that is why human animals seek companionship with such vigor. no matter your surroundings if one human has another human to be in love with he can achieve at least temporarily a state of complete well being. but with this state of well being comes complacency. with complacency comes a form of laziness as it seems humans are built to react to urgency or immediate threat. humans may be responders in that we do best when we are responding to to something that has already occurred.
im feeling egg salad on croussiant for breakfast from the 9th floor cafeteria. see what i mean? complacent and relaxed to the point i dont even feel the need to stay on topic. free to wander mentally and spiritually to places that im free to experience. cause thats what it all is about. the freedom and ability to be aware of new things. say for example a new driver concentrating on the road and other cars will not notice buildings or birds flying around cause he is distracted by driving. but once he reaches a comfort zone from experience he will be able to notice his surroundings while driving. i think this about life and consciousness. to grow or make a leap of consciousness all you need is the spare time or the relaxedness or the whatever to see it to become aware of it. its almost that simple! the greatest leaps of consciousness have been the simplest solutions once recognized.
i was just downstairs hanging in the mailroom waiting for my egg salad sandwich to be ready which i already ate and am thinking about getting another one when my christian buddy made the statement “realized the obvious.” i think thats what leaps in conscious awareness are, when we are able to realize the obvious that no one else has realized. i think you have to be open to experience
i got to spend time with my kids and i picked my daughter up from work and let her drive most of the days i was home. both my kids got jobs already and they prolly got that from their mother as i didnt get a job until college and i messed that up when i did. well wait, i did work at a church campgrounds in west middlesex, pa for a couple of weeks until i got fired. hell i got fired or let go from my first 3 or 4 jobs. i aint a worker. work aint my thing. accomplishemnt is. if i can find a way to do it eaiser and faster i will and this is not seen as working in parts of our society. work is not a virtue to me. labor is not the reason, accomplishment is. no matter how quick or effortless it may be.
august 22, 2005
august 7, 2005
i absolutely love the HBO series ENTOURAGE. ive always loved jeremy piven.
july 30, 2005
its just a word…
Posted by jeffery on 7/30/2005, 2:51 am, in reply to “The Results of B.E.T.”
you think if the word went away so would the intentions in mens hearts?
ill be damned if i let a word have that much power over me
sure it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up when said by certain people with certain intentions- but it aint the word that does that, its the intentions of the person using it.the example is if a friend uses it, i feel love. if a person with the intent to harm or mess with me uses it, i feel VERY deeply threatened because of the “power” given the word
think about it backwards kinda, white folks may have the upper hand over black folk cause they got a word they can use to instantly make black folks angry! LOL but there aint nothing in the world black folks can call white to get them like that!
and its black folks who keep this going like this, not from using it but maybe from not using it and making such a fuss over a friggin word!! LOL too much power given to what is just a word
i do not think that if people stopped using the word that anything would change. in fact i think thats silly.
if a word or the use of a word is holding you back, maybe you aint designed to make it.
black peoples problems, if they got any and what ever they may be im not addressing now, have nothing to do with the use of any single word
thats just silly
and the reason richard pryor aint see no niggas in africa is cause “nigga” is BLACK AMERICAN. the strengths, attitude, abilities and etc evolved from a person of african decent experience in america and what he had to go thru to survive here
and if anything, “nigga” is being embraced…
Posted by jeffery on 7/30/2005, 11:35 am, in reply to “its just a word…”
nigga and niggas are being almost celebrated by the world!!
right now, its hot to be a nigga or black american. look at the news and tv and commercials and movies and sports and what is really popular right now.
black amercicans are looked to with an almost admiration for what niggas can do!! shit yeah folks fear niggas, i do to! but that is also a form of respect.
niggas and black americans, NOT “AFRICAN-AMERICANS” LIKE COLIN POWELL, are very popular right now and im diggin and flyin on the respect and admiration the rest of the world has for our accomplishments. sure its not 100% and you will always have a few “haters,” but shit it aint a bad time to have some nigga in you
and i mean nigga not nigger.
go to a place full of african americans or africans and let a nigga walk in the room, you will clearly see, feel and react to his unique presence.
i believe in niggas and i “support” how randy moss and terrell owens and them niggas do it. nobody else can dominate with ability and act a fool and then whip your ass and have your wife callin him like a nigga can- and never miss a beat while doing it
let alone talkin shit!! LOL whew lord!! LOL
funny i dont see niggas complaining about the word nigga! LOL i have so much respect for what ive seen niggas do sometimes i wonder if im worthy to call myself one. i think maybe im too african american at times, too refined too assimilated.
but then at times i can turn on my nigga and i know i am
july 26. 2005
they say as far as jobs go, 3 years and move and i believe this. my previous previous job i hit the wall at 3 years and it was the best job i ever had. ive been at my present job just over 3 years and ill reserve comment. from april 1999 to april 2002 i went thru a period where i couldnt see or experience enough art and galleries. it seems one day i just had no desire to pursue the art thing anymore and it was damn near exactly 3 years. now it seems i may have hit the wall with my live music infatuation. seeing live bands doesnt seem to move me like it once did. case in point: last night i walked out of a SOULIVE concert.
now it could have been the headspace that i wasnt in as it has been like 3 weeks since the clock struck 4:20 for me. it could have been mi fave hangout was overcrowded with youngish white kids who although they were into the music and brought energy, were not really groovin and movin. i had took a nap so i shouldnt have been tired. right before SOULIVE came on the dj played we want the funk by parliament and that put me in a good place. SOULIIVE was gettin it but the music just wasnt movin me. and i may be concerned as i love them.
it seemed the music was too jazzy and not enough “on the one.” the white kids loved that all over the place groove as they can shake an vibrate and “dance” all over the place and not on any real beat. i tried to get into it but by 10:30 after about an hour of music i left.
all that said to get to the point thats it been 3 years since my art experience craze ended which may have marked the beginning of my live music and bands craze. so maybe once again its 3 years and move.
another idea i kinda just came up with is that the only time it seems i would “kill” or “be killed” is for my children. this lead me to realizing that there may be something in me that would not allow my children to disrespect me to the point that i “could take one of them out” if pushed. i know that sounds bad, but there is nothing that i care about more than my children. nothing moves me more or has an effect on me like they do. nothing else is that important to me for me to “kill” or “be killed.” it would take something VERY important to me to generate the kind of emotion to go to that level.
i think i came to this idea via another incident in my life. if i have a best friend its blackie and there may be something between us that creates in me a pride that i will not let anyone disrespect. maybe because of the “role” ive assumed with her (in my mind) and the belief i feels she has in me, i have something along the lines of pride that will not allow me to let her down. maybe its an image i believe i “need” to maintain but there is something that created a very intense emotion in me recently that was real and that i didnt understand.
all that said to say this. ive always said that i could not worship a god that kills his children. a god seen as “father” would never kill his children. ive asked people “would you ever kill your kids?” (i admit it was a setup question as i knew everyone would say no out of political correctness). funniest thing is the only time i maybe would be “pushed” to kill is for or about my children.
i also see now why two men would fight to the death. i see how the pride in a man could push him to the kill or be killed level. even in the animal world alpha males leave the group or are killed.
runner-up or second best just ain’t my pedigree
“we dont know” is incompatible with religion. the answer to the ultimate questions of “how did we get here?” and “how was the universe created?” is “we don’t know.” cause “we” don’t. not i, not religion, not scientists, nobody really knows. but this answer invalidates the whole story of god and the bible and therefore an awful lot of religions.
july 20, 2005
im makin this up as i go along and maybe im grasping,but there is something to the uninhibitness, disposition,ability of communication, sorta insecure demeanor andmaybe even the social position of white female that maybecreates her special way of being. all of it goes into making herwhat she is and i think in that she is finding herselfand each other in the modern world. shit, until the 50syall was stuck in the kitchen. black people found a togethernessvia oppression, white male fuck them they found togethernessin conquering LOL. but at what massive level has whitefemale come together? i think the white female come-together-ness may have started in the more modern era so its was defined under more modern (and intelligent) terms. maybe even at a higher consciousness as we all have continued to evolve. so she may have a more sophisticated and intelligent social groups or whatever
i dont know all i know for sure is i can talk to a white girl about anything and i cant say that about anybody else. and the black girl i can talk to like that admits she is more white girl than black (ok nigga). hilary clinton or some white female is gonna come up and the world will change forever cause she will have identity with the 2nd strongest demographic in the west. and since she is sleepin with and mothering the the #1 demographic its only a matter of time before her ideas and spirituality become dominant.
the west is softening. the powerful conservative rigid white male is taking a beating right now and he may survive as he IS the military. but he cant helped but be softened.
ok so where was i? im gonna post this as a daily. thanks for the inspiration. and white female is all inclusive. she bringing airbody with her. even the fuckin pets and the whales and the trees!! she has compassion to save everything, even the things that dont need to be saved. she doesnt seem to have enemies and really isnt angry like the other big 3. (black male, black female and white male). these are the dominants in the west and the west is leading the world with white male still considerably in control. one thing i said about white female a long time ago is that if something goes wrong, her first thought is “what did i do wrong?” the other dont do that, in fact they may even be aggressive enough to go on the offense without all the facts. this dispositin in itself is enough to make the world better.
it may be that she has the lowest amounts of testosterone, i dont know. i say all that to say that within all that is a loose spirituality. she isnt the type to band together as white girl only groups- though im sure they exist. she may not even be the type to band together at all and thats what makes it work. like being common independantly.
ok thats enough for this writing exercise. it was good. would you answer a question for me please, you being a white girl yourself- is there anything that ive said above that you dont think are white girl qualities? i mean, in your experience is there anything ive said that differs from your experience? do you agree with all ive said about your demographic?
and oh about me i am the happiest i have ever been. im also in the best shape physically, mentally, intellectually and spiritually. im operating and functioning better than i ever have and more than probably better than 90% of any human that has ever existed. shit make that 95%. and im not only realizing that i need to do something with it, its like inevitable that i will. its becoming very very clear to me what i am and what i can do and how much i stand out in and above in everything i do. everything is easy for me- and i mean everything…
i gotta dance that aint got no steps, y’all
im gonna let the music move me around–
will it go round in circles, will it fly high like a bird up in the sky?
july 16, 2005
more cowbell. ive always loved christopher walken. ive said it many a time before, will ferrell is the best SNL alumuni. will ferrell was keeping proper time in this skit, he possesses natural rhythm. christina applegate is starring in a revival of sweet charity on broadway.
i got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell
c. walken, saturday night live
july 4, 2005
i was so lazy this weekend my face broke out. prolly too much sugar via cookies, drink and dots candy.
may 23, 2005
i love deadwood. i absolutely love the hbo series deadwood. i added the movie channels to my package which had already included high speed internet and extended digital cable channels so that i could checkout the cable-only series’ such as sopranos, curb your enthusiasm, carnivale, etc. when it was all said and done i ended up paying like $20 more dollars a month and got every movie channel available. so now i pay like $110 for my cable tv and high speed internet needs.
back to the point. watching deadwood last night i was so into it i cheered more than once. the cussing, realism, personalities, good characters, the toughness and rawness of the people during that time. i am so into the story, plot and characters im attached. who is good, bad, incompetent, evil, smart, etc. this show seems to have non- standard character personalities. i say that to mean that the “hero” in this show isnt all good,and the villians arent all bad. but everyone seems to be VERY honest. and maybe thats what i digs about it. a raw open honestness about sex, desire, death, killing, etc. topics are confronted head on and these people, even the weaker ones, seem to be less afraid and determined than the “normal” characters in todays tv.
like last night. for whatever reason it seems the show made a drastic and unexpected turn towards the betterment of the camp. ya see deadwood is a new and developing town in the early days of the united states during the gold rushes. it is still called a “camp” but is growing as leadership falls into place. the thing being that all the leadership wasnt “good.” there were somethings some people did that was “bad” and that i wanted them to suffer for. last night it seemed all the bad guys were taken care of. and ofcourse in typical fashion it was handled straight ahead brutally with murder.
also ive found that as i get older its harder to recover from vacations and lazy days. it may be better not to have weekends where i shutdown or go on mental vacations. i think thats why some people i know stay busy on the weekends with what i think is “busy” work. its getting harder and harder to start back up after shutting down.
yester- sunday i woke up around 6:30a and grabbed the bike i havent ridden in maybe 2 years that had 2 flat tires and put it on the back of my car with my bike rack. stopped by the gas station paid 50 cent for air and hit venice beach. it was an absolutely beautiful day and i rode from venice beach to santa monica pier and back. it was euphoric to be outside in such comfortable weather. also my disposition was completely relaxed. i had no apprehension or un-easiness or anything. it was a heavenly feeling. i rode kinda leisurely but put effort into it a few times. i had found a free place to park on venice blvd and noticed that i was there so early on sunday (before 8am) that the big parking lot was like only $2. (by the time i rode by on my bike it was up to $5). and even after my maybe 3-4 mile ride i was not tired and still had some energy left. i thought that cool.
watched meet the fockers which had funny parts but was fairly predictable. i also rented national treasure (which was much better) cause there was a video store next to the sandwich shop i stopped at which makes an italian special (i get mine no lettuce no tomato extra cheese) that was so good i went back the next day and got the same sandwich this time in a combo substituting 2 chocolate cookies for the drink with chips.
april 11, 2005
its another monday. i have got to stop abusing myself with the degrees of self indulgence that i achieve. the inactivity combined with the sleeping, eating, laziness and staying within myself takes it toll on me come monday. and by “staying within myself” i mean drifting and wandering completely content and satisfied within my own thoughts inside my own head. its to the point im attracted almost only to the “new age” music channel on cable because this style of music is very mentally and spiritually relaxing. after weekends like this sometimes i dont fully awaken till like tuesday afternoon. and the cycle is self perpetrating in that the more lazy i get the more lazier i wanna be. like now, all i wanna do is go home for more sleeping, eating and being within myself.
i realized this yesterday cause i rented a car for the weekend ($33 enterprise.com) but didnt really go nowhere in it except the same excursions i make every weekend to the beach. and i make those just to get out of the house so i can be hungry and sleepy again. i need to exercise on the weekends and/or increase my activity. but the funny thing is i am fairly productive during these times. i usually wake up around 5amish and will get on the computer and accomplish a few things. ill work for like maybe 5 -6 hours on my hobby- business- life projects and actually see tangible productivity. so its not a complete loss.
and last week there was a lot of little cool things going on in my life and a big one or two. sure most of it was good stuff, but even this can make you tired. i need to look at my calendar to see my activities over the last month and see maybe why i am in this condition. ok, lets see… yeah i been a bit busy. maybe my busy weekdays are draining me. i am doing a bunch of good things. but sometimes its like a blur. like im playing in a game bigger than me and im bustin my ass just to keep up so it seems like im not really producing. when actually my increased productivity is being dwarfed by the scale of the game im in. or sumn.
either ways about it i gotta start being more active and/or maybe exercise on the weekends. and thank god the weekends are only 2 days long and then i get to come back to work cause if they were any longer i may die from sloth. and another part that concerns me is i have been missing bands perform where in the past i would not have. ive been too lazy to go out! i even missed a big social event (a birthday party) cause i was just too lazy to leave the house.
but all in all i know that i am producing good stuff. and i mean stuff that may change or impact history. i feel i am creative and though i feel like im “struggling” and not seeing any hardcore direct results sometimes, i know i must keep on building it. whatever it is. and i will.
cause to be honest im not sure what “it” is. i just know i will continue to build it.
and i didnt even mention the weight i gain over the weekends eating albertsons brand frozen self rising pizzas and their deli fried chicken (some of the best there is) and cole slaw and chips and cookies and ofcourse sumn sweet to drink! its like the same routine i get off work on friday pick up the same items and go home for the same thing. and even though its a good good thing it still becomes a routine.
but i aint complaining i dont think, as a lot of good things continue to happen to me…