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DAILYS: December 3, 2000

 

december 3, 2000
(bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

november 21, 2000
the very very very bright object mid-high in the early evening southwestern
sky is the planet venus. during and later in the evening, the bright object in the
eastern sky is jupiter, and to the upper right is saturn. yesterday over looking
los angeles from the getty center i was able to veiw all 3…with binoculars and
looking roughly at the 3rd imaginary point of a crooked triangle flanked by
jupiter & saturn you can see the pleiades star…

i tried an african american online people date matching service thingy.
“where afro-american singles feel at home.” i entered my information and
answered a few questions about my interests and stuff. i did a search
and of the 50 females returned: 34 where caucasian, 7 were hispanic
and 6 were black (see nov 17 below)…

november 20, 2000
i felt so much better sunday morning that i exuberantly
announced it to everybody at the downtown las vegas
gas station. man, i am still amazed by swings in mood
or disposition. i felt so much better. i started eating
better (still alot though), drinking water, vitamins and i got
rest. i had salads, sushi and some pretty good lousiAnna
gumbo i got from the 4queens hotel room service saturday
(i also finished off some left over cheese popcorn).
sunday started with a salad from subway and then
to ralph’s for $40 worth of salads, vegetables and
fat free stuff to get me back on the right track.
though im still eating too much, im eating much healthier…

you may ask “why does he write all this?” “who really cares?”
these dailys are written by me and for me (kinda). this is one place
that can be totally about me. here i dont have to share, reason
or justify anything. this not only opens up my imagination
and creativity, but also frees me to express emotions and feelings.
i can be as self indulgent as i want to be here. (i think people
should be more selfish and selfirst anywayz).

these dailys have evolved from comments about eating and
hanging out to some fairly (faking modesty) deep  thought.
and since they are dated its like an online journal. when i re-read
(and i do very often) them i get an idea of what i was doing and
how i was feeling. what moved me that day or during
that time…

also i dont have to worry about spelling or grammar and that
makes writing much easier. the idea is to just get a record
of the feeling, thought or idea…

ok, ok i gotta go a little deeper…i started these dailys
when i lost a communication connection with a good friend.
i never thought that i lost the friend, but i knew that our
daily chats were over. im not one to be dependant on another
human being (or anything that i dont have absolute control of)
and i knew i would miss our intellectual, emotional and other
exchanges. so the first daily starts “hey-” cause thats how
all our e-mails and stuff would start…

ok, ok…i gotta cop to something deeeeeeper…i may or may
not have started the dailys to show my friend that my life
continued after our communication breakdown. i was excited
about the change in my life, and “loosing” her was a major change.
maybe i was trying to show her that i was doing ok or even
better with the change. maybe i wanted her to be jealous.
i think it was a combination of a lot of things driven by my
excitement for the future…none with malice

one thing ive learned is that the ending of every kind of
relationship i have had in my life has led me to something better.
from foreclosures to divorces to layoffs, i made major advances
forward and to a “better” place. this has given me a confidence
in the future so that when our relationship changed form, i
knew it was for the best fpr both of us and we both would do better…

i had so much confidence that i walked away from the highest i’d
ever been without regret cause i knew i would go higher…

this confidence in the future has led me to put in motion
a major career move that i am also very excited about…

this dailys idea has come along way since the first entry in june ’97,
and so have i…
november 18, 2000
the weeks (months?) of eating like a pride of lions
during the great yak migration has caughtup with me.
walking around the aladdin hotel & casino my back
began to hurt from carrying the very noticable extra
weight. because of bad eating habits and not drinking
water i developed a boil on my beltline. this makes
walking, sitting, laying and even wearing pants painful.
by the time me, daddy and laurie got to luxor to see
michael jordan in 3d imax and  found that the hotel was
having a partial power failure, i was borderline miserable.
i haven’t been this uncomfortable in a very long time.

the over-eating thing started to bother me a couple of
days ago. i noticed myself scarfing down food when
i was still full from the huge meal i had the day before.
one time i ate so much that burping the soda i drank
with my meal was a very welcome relief of the pressure
on my stomach. it takes work to be able to get that full,
weeks of over-eating and i am there…

today when i woke up i had made up m mind to handle
this situation, to get back on the right track.
so i started with a salad and some sushi. getting
back to the 4queens hotel i was so miserable that
it felt like i was getting sick. and not just cold
symptoms sick, chills and flu sick. so i popped two
tylenol (i never take meds), cut up the heat and
watched football.
november 17, 2000
where are all the black females at?
i look at it this way

rough demographic breakdown of US:
whites 78%
blacks 12%
others  10%

that means that
78 of every 100 people are white
12 of every 100 are black

the sexes are split about 50-50 between male and female-
so that means that 6 out of every 100 people are black female,
where as 39 of every 100 will be white female…

november 16, 2000

yesterday was gwyneth paltrow day. everything gwyneth.
i got lost looking at   pictures1 of her. her and ben (they’re
just friends) are on the cover of the entertainment weekly i
have at my desk. when i leave my cubicle i say “goodbye
gwyneth, ill be right back.” i also am sure that others around
me greet ms paltrow properly. there is a cuteness about that one that
moves me. over the weekend i had a susan hayward day…

november 15, 2000

The most beautiful emotion we can experience is the mystical.
It is the power of all true art and science.
He to whom this emotion is a stranger,
who can no longer wonder and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead.
– Albert Einstein


november 15, 2000
i use to think that “rush hour” traffic meant the streets were crowded
cause there were a lot of cars going places. but its more than just that.
driving is much more aggressive during this time. people are more
anxious and a lot less relaxed. i work from 7-4pm so i just miss
the frenzy both ways. the people and cars during my commute are
fairly kickback. its when im on the streets between 8-10am & 5-7pm
that i notice the difference. they are like angry, frustrated race car drivers
always trying to fill every open space on the road. and the one thing
i cant stand is tailgaters. they REALLY get on my nerves.

during my usual drive time, i expect one or two people too close to me
and i give them a look and let them pass. but during rush hour its one
right after the other and it bugs the hell out of me. sometimes im not in
the mood to drive fast and aggressively. i like the drive i have on sunday
mornings going to see my steelers between 9-10am, very very calm,
relaxing and quiet streets. this drive is different from the friday 4-7pm drive
time which is different from the friday/saturday 9-11pm drive time which
is different from the friday/saturday 2-4am drive time. the vegas drive
on the 15 is coool too when you can do 110mph. not cool friday nights
or coming back sunday night.

others: the 10 fwy west into the tunnel (at 70mph) to the pacific coast
highway; PCH from venice to malibu; topanga canyon; the 210 fwy
traveling west of the 2 at 100+ mph through the moutains; ventura blvd
with all its businesses; colorado blvd old town pasadena; sunset/santa
monica /hollywood blvds in hollywood; sepulveda pass; santa monica blvd
crossing 3rd st promenade; angeles crest highway into the moutains and
any number of freeways at night with no other cars (3-4am) with all the
road reflectors and signs and underpasses lit up at 90 mph- and with all
these ya have to have the right music…
i bet i dont miss raphael at the getty, he is one of my favorites…


november 14, 2000

HEY,
THE FIRST TIME I EVER EVEN HEARD THE WORK “HEDONIST”
WAS IN ABOUT THE 9TH GRADE.  ONE OF THE MOONEY
TEACHERS ASKED WHAT IT MEANT — AND YOU WERE THE ONLY
KID IN THE CLASS WHO KNEW!!
from a recent e-mail

november 14, 2000
during a lunch last week of my win2k class i bought a hp color
printer, mouthwash and toothpaste. all in the same store…

then over the weekend from the “junk” laying around my apartment
i built a win95 machine with free internet & office 2k (will give to someone).
i put a 2nd network card in a box and made it a win2k server gatewaying my
high speed dsl internet connection from 10mb  to a 3 node 100mb lan using
dhcp. this machine is also serving a webpage (for as long as i hold that
dynamic ip address) to the internet. i also built a win2k professional workstation…

riding home from work there was a skinny little 9 year old (or so) white
girl in the back of a late model mercedes benz station wagon. she was
with her friends and dressed for swimming. you could see the
“we’re going swimming” buzzz in the car. as i pull up,  i see she sees
my plate. i see her say “p funk 1.” i got somewhat of an idea by the way
she said it how she experienced it. im not sure exactly what her experience
of it was, but i do know that “p funk 1” will be a small part of the biliions
and billions of bits of data in her brain forever. it now has the possibility to
show up in her dreams. rememebring it could be triggered by any number
of events cause it has been written to her memory. seeing this i wondered about
other instances when very quick exchanges and interactions are made
a part of someone’s subconscious. all the millions and millions of
bits of data that is in storage in our subconscious…

november 6, 2000

there are moments in life when nothing weighs you down,
when you feel totally completely free…
…freedom should be more than just a feeling,
it should be something you can actually touch

hyundai commercial

november 3, 2000
damn i feel good…

i hide myself from no one
keep on movin’, soul II soul

october 31, 2000
yesterday i had a tooth pulled. though i had my wisdom teeth pulled,
i felt like it was my first one. it depressed me, but it mostly angered me.
things like this dont happen to jeffery. i dont loose the things that are
precious to me. i am very proud of the fact that i have never had a
problem with my teeth, so this was upsetting. my smile is very important
to me and this tooth is very close to my smile. i was pissed. i wasnt
mad at the dentist or myself. i wasnt mad at anybody or blamed anybody.

i remember the exact moment i felt something wrong. it was the same
tooth i had root canal on and was waiting to get a crown. later when i
got home i confirmed the tooth was cracked…but i still went to laughlin.
maybe i shouldnt have, cause the crack did get worse even though i
mostly used the other side of my mouth…still i dont place blame-

afterward it was pulled i was pissed but i went to costco to get somthing
to eat. my anger was so strong that the checker who rang up the batteries
i bought didnt say a word to me. not even the standard checker greeting.
she never made eye contact either. (she was a cutie too, real cute). not
even a “thank you for shopping at costco” and i didnt blame her at all-
she did the right thing. i didnt do or say anything but my anger could
be felt in my body language and the look on my face. it was thick.

in writing this, i guess i was mad at life. at fate maybe. at the “why” this
happened. this is jeffery we’re talking about…maybe i was pissed cause
i know i take all the right precautions and this “shouldn’t have” happened.
maybe i was mad at the intangible x factor in life that gives our
existence a gray area so that anything can happen at anytime no matter
what you do. (that “gray area” would be a major key to evolution)
(sometimes i feel that anger generates an energy that i can use to
“control” my fate. another story for another time)

like a liitle kid i came to work and showed everybody my boo-boo
and most returned the favor. almost everyone has had a tooth removed
and not just wisdom teeth. so many people have had teeth pulled that
it made me think there is something wrong with either dentistry or
the way we live our lives. are we suppose to loose out teeth?
i wonder what percentage of adults have lost teeth…

october 30, 2000
everything is relative. even greetings. when walking, i greet everybody
that i pass with at least eye contact and usually a verbal. how well
acquainted i am with the person determines how much verbage i use.
i noticed that some women would return my greeting with just a slight
smile. a very very slight smile but i get their message of acknowledgement.
also, the smile, the eyes and the body language relay lot of information.
so i ask myself, “do i have to use the verbal all the time?” can i just do
the smile and eye contact? and then i really get to thinking…do i have
to even smile, can the eye contact be enough to send the proper greeting?

i remember one time i was rippin it up at a funkadelic show
at the house of blues. i was right at the stage and the music was
pushing the energy high. i looked over and made eye contact with
dr. dre (from nwa) and gave him a big whattup as i pumped it up.
his ultra cool hardcore ass didn’t return my greeting. my face instantly
went to a frown. it was a natural reaction to his non-acknowledgement.
this happened very fast without me thinking about it. it was a frown
of anger and disappointment with mostly anger, like he disrespected
me. i know he felt it. he then gave me the very very very slightest nod.
it was probably the coolest gesture i have ever seen a human being do.
you would probably need tracking instruments with an accuracy
to micro-nanometers to have detected any movement at all. but
i got the message of acknowledgement and my scowlish-frown exploded
back to a full smile with even more energy. i know he felt this too.

one of the steps in human evolution will be a greater understanding
of non-verbal communication.  this will lead to an increase of the information
passed between two people just from eye contact. i believe that one
day (maybe like 200-500,000 years from now) everyone will
know what everyone else is thinking or have the ability to get that
information. there will be no more lies and deception will be impossible.
you may say that it will be boring if we knew everything about
everybody. nope. we will be born into this and our level of consciousnous,
creativity and our mental and emotional understanding capcity wiill be
raised to new and different levels.

we will also communicate and pass much more information with chemicals,
touch, taste and smell. we will see and hear at higher frequncies and at a
higher rate. we will “talk” faster, talking wont be the talking like today.
october 26, 2000
mood swings are cool. they let you know that you are alive.
they give me a reference point to compare with the times when
ive been flying high for a long period of time. its like if your
riding high for too long it begins to seems natural. but the decent
into slight moodiness makes me realize how high i really was…
i also think differently with the reduced energy and less excited
spirit. i see things less optimisticaly and its a lot easier to focus and
arrange my thoughts into understandable writings. the ascent back
to flying high and fully energized spirit is one of the best feelings i
have ever had. the feeling of power is tremendous…

i’ve had a very big appetite lately. i have the urge to eat alot,
and i have been…

i got my blood tests back from my physical and along with my
blood pressure everything from my sodium to my glucose to my
chlorestorol is well within acceptable boundries. i’m also HIV negative.
funny thing about the aids test, even though you know your not positive,
it is still very scary when your waiting to get the answer. scarier still
is the seriousness and tone of the people who present the authorization
forms…

october 21, 2000
happy birthday jackie. of the 5 major relationships with women i’ve had in my
life yours seems to be the only birthday i dont forget in these dailys. maybe
cause ours was the last to cause the mental anguish and pain of the heart that
the traditional rules of love & relationships do. the do’s, don’ts and “supposed to’s”
that make it almost impossible for a healthy existence. ours was the hardest to walk
away from. ok, actually i didnt walk away you sent me away!! i believe i wanted
something that you saw would not be a good for either of us and you were right.
after ours my understanding of relationshps evolved into something a lot less traditional,
much more intelligent, practical and healthy for me. soon after ours i learned to be happy
and appreciate the good that was experienced and not be sorrowful for what won’t be.
no relationship is meant to last forever…at least without evolving (another story for
another time)

last night i skipped the costco pizza but made hamburgers and tater tots. i hit ralph’s
for cheetos, red hot fritos, marshmellows (always get jet puffed), pop tarts (blueberry
that i eat unheated), twizzlers, fruit punch and other sorted liquid refreshments. as i put
my stuff up on the check out counter i said outloud to myself  “im almost embarrassed by
this stuff” a lady behind me said “why? don’t be…” i smiled. the checkout guy aked “home
alone this weekend?” i said “YES!!! and im going after it baby”

also in my reasoning sessions more and more im coming to the conclusion that i should not
make any claims about having a connection with the universe as a whole. mankind has very
little knowledge of what actually goes on outside the earths biosphere. and alot of this limited
knowledge is based on observations of things that happened a very long time ago. sure,
i love the word universe but it is very arrogant to claim a connection just yet. it is something
we should be shooting for though…there is definitley deep underlying connections between
life (every living creature), the sun & earth, energy and consciousnous-
every entity and all matter that has ever existed in earth’s biosphere

the idea that the UNIVERSE is a single entity is a theory-
theory at this level creates philosophies of why we are

jeffery scott mitchell, theory of universe

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