Beginning my workday moderately animated and feeling spirited, I entered into a conversation while getting my water and oranges in the break room. When the standard “Living the dream” in response to my “How’s it going?” pushed me to express just how literal her response was for me.
I went on to explain and bullet point things regarding the job, location, my life, etc etc and why it IS a dream. Part way thru I realized I had passed what is standard morning conversation intensity in my expression of enthusiasm and excitement but could not stop this train. All I could do was pump the brakes. The response I got was “Yes, it is good to be happy about most or many things in your life.” My energy still fairly high I responded with “What if you are happy about everything in your life?” She said that she was happy about most things in her life, but not everything. Out loud I wondered if there was anything in my life that I was not happy about and finished with “Wow, I’ve got to think about that. Is there anything in my life that I am not happy about?” We concluded with me thanking her for provoking this self-exercise.
Initial summation led me to evaluate what “not happy about” meant. It’s one thing not to have anything “negative” in your life and a different thing to not be happy about anything. On one hand to have pain, grief or major shortcomings that are truly troubling. The other to have things for which one has no emotional investment at all. not happy about troubling things vs “not happy” about things that trigger no response.
my “to be happy about everything” more than just casually involves gaining a or some happiness from “everything.” i’m sitting here looking around my desk and cubicle and even the dirty carpet generates a mild type of happy. it’s like i am fascinated by everything that goes on around me. as if i am so sensitive to my conscious awareness my mere existence is continuously exciting. consciousness is a big deal!!! hell consciousness is the BIGGEST deal. the ability for one to observe, recognize, process experience. it’s like WOW i can see the power strip on my desk. it supplies electricity (which was created by us humans then regulated and distributed globally) that powers my electronic devices which enable me to create and share ideas with others around the world. recognizing and feeling the something in everything and being stimulated by it most of my waking existence. there is story with depth in every single thing. where even nothing is a thing. so even nothing is something. all of it makes me feel good. there is some happy in the appreciation for even the stuff that doesn’t make me feel good.
not just seeing every thing but feeling my relationship to every thing.
it may be temporary. it may be fleeting. but it has lasted long enough for me to have confidence and faith in it and i have decided to go fully with it.
it may even be an illusion or delusion. at this point it does not matter.