april 6, 2000
i definitely feel different after my first trip to europe. im not sure if its because of what i saw
(vatican, coliseum,david, etc), the fact that i walked around the only black man in a foriegn
place for a week or just plain ego. whatever it was, and as impossible as it may sound, i actually
have even more confidence now...i esspecially noticed it today chillin with a buddy at johhny rockets
on santa monica's 3rd st promenade for lunch. watching people and enjoying, life feels like an easy
and fun game to play...maybe its the weather...lunch yesterday was the usual all you can eat sushi
(discovered the california roll to go with my standard rolls of spicy tuna and octupus) then after
work i discovered the sepulveda wildlife area. this place is a cool semi-inner-city getaway close to
my house...life is just plain good when you understand the rules of the game-

april 5, 2000
i didn't have a no. 2 pencil, i didn't have a scantron and i didn't prepare the one page
of notes we were allowed to use for our first 50 question astron 1a exam last night.
i missed the last 2 weeks of class but i did read the book and studied a little bit...
i felt "bad" cause i couldnt even remember if copernicus believed in a geocentic or
heliocentric universe...i only remembered cause i noted somewhere on my webpage
that he & galileo were condemned for their beliefs (heliocentric, non earth centered universe)
all in all, i believe i did between 78-82%, high c or low b. results in 2 weeks after spring break...

april 2, 2000
top down in southern california
80 degree weather
80 watts of music
80 miles per hour

april 2, 2000
i still haven't totally recovered physically, mentally or spritually from my italy trip-
im still overwhelmed by and digesting the experience, so my high energy and spirit comes
and goes in flashes...kinda feel like i dont have the energy for "creating" or "outputting,"
but the desire, data and potiential to create wonderful things is there...like yesterday, on my to
participate on a panel of 3 IT professionals talking to students at a seminar set
up by KROQ and AIU, i had the desire and material to create, but not the motivation...
the seminar went really well and i realized how much I LOVE (and how good i am at) being
in front of an audience. i anticipated and savored every moment when it was my turn to
talk and when all eyes were on me. i loved it so much i contemplated a career change...

while leaving the seminar on the first summery-sunny top-down southern california day
and feeling really good, this guy pulls up beside my car and says; "man, you need to cheer up."
we both laughed and my energy went higher. feeling too good and it just being too beautiful a
day to go home (ncaa final four was coming on and i had a pizza from the luncheon) i rode through
a very crowded and jumpin venice beach. the place was bumpin. people just hanging out, chillin &
looking good. (parking was 10 & $15! thats how good it was) so im cruising the speedway
that runs along the back of the venice boardwalk looking at the girls and just totally enjoying myself
when this guy says "i been to your website...saw you at the ventura concert (mar 99)...good website"
no need to mention where my energy was at after that...

today it looks to be another beautiful one. it was like i forgot how much i love these kinda days,
how much i love the sun, how good it is hanging out in so. CA just chillin...every year about this
time i ritually "bless" the summer with a saying. ive been having such a good winter (so far, event &
experience wise, this is my best year ever) that i forgot how good the summer is in LA-
i am now officially moved to make my blessing...

NOTE: my energy went flat, must have been that bagel i had for breakfast...i feel somberly mellow.
i wanna wade in intense emotional thought. i wanna scientifically analyze and disect my
thinking...i want to be intensly aggressive emotionally---im not sad or unhappy, i feel good-
thats why im writing with this tone in continuing with the above thought:

i think i learned this from experiencing the journey to my greatest love. its like ive
climbed the moutain before and have enjoyed the greatest pleasure at the top. i now know that
pleasure lies in the very first step of the journey. the climb to the greatest single feeling i ever
had started very simply and unintentionally and this can happen at anytime and anywhere.
every morning that i wake up and every person i meet, everything that i write, every
place that i go and everything that i do is filled with the utmost optimism. every oppurtunity
or instant in my life could be the first step back to the moutain top and to the greatest
pleasures life and the universe has to offer...
 

march 16, 2000
after 5 weeks of being treated to "all you can eat" sushi by various co-workers, the
streak has come to an end. i actually had to buy my own. and though it was money
i received from another co-worker from extra curricular gaming activites (he also
bought my school book) i was very distraught and the stresses of life became to much..
i needed to find a place to getaway and just chill before i lost it. was just at my
refuse in topanga canyon sunday, did the ocean chill last week, LACMA is closed on
wednesdays...more stress!!! then right before i picked up the phone to call about
a stress therapy class, i remembered students dont need reservations to go to the getty.
I WAS SAVED!!! 2 hours later im relaxing enjoying the mellow getty enviroment (in the fog)
viewing monet, roman sculpture and my favorite piece of the day: "a young girl defending
herself against eros" french 1880 oil on canvas by adolphe-william bouguereau (1825-1905).
i love the angle and arch of her foot. i also like the way you can feel cupid's struggle to
grasp on like when you try to put down a 1 year old who doesnt want to be...i have a
very tough life...

march 15, 2000
the movie "mission to mars" was bad. there was a "serious" scene in the movie when
over half of the audience simultaneously busted out laughing. there was another scene
when the aliens and the earthlings joined hands around a simulated earth...very bad...
ive never seen a movie openly "disrespected" like this. maybe cause it was opening night
and the crowd was educated and "in the industry." they also probably read the poor reviews
and knew it was "coool" not to like this movie...dinner and drinks at alcapulco's, very trendy
pacific crest theater with flourescent pictures on the walls and shooting stars on the
ceiling, just hanging out in westwood with the fellas...made me think about how different
it was from 17 years ago when i hung out here drunk watching the breakdancers...

for the second week in a row, before class a student asked me for money...the first time
it was a semi-cool-funky asian dude who asked for 15 cent to get some chips. i laughed
and gave him the change cause i was amused that he asked & by the way he asked...
the second time it was a black girl who asked me for 35 cent to make a phone call-
once again, i gave because of amusement...but im wondering if this is a common thing
cause i dont think i like it and the amusement is wearing off...

march 4, 2000
i liken my job and the female in it to an art gallery full of fine art work from all around
the world. a collection of treasures from belarus, turkey, poland, hawaii, japan, moscow,
britian, australia, the phillipines, mexico, the west indies, and all parts of the united states (no
ukranians?). each "piece" having its own individual spirit of beauty. each communicating the
universal language using the distinct style, accent and protocols from which it was created.
each work expressing happiness and success or sadness and failure or maybe some sort of desire...

one thing though, you may not necessarily want the responsibility of having a michaelangeleo
original in your living room. its nice to go to the gallery and appreciate very precious pieces.
its also nice to be able to go home and let someone else worry about the security and
maintainence and keeping the enviroment just right to preserve the beauty of the work.
fine art, like female, deserves care and a lot of attention. if you truly love or admire something,
and you truly want the best for it, you should recognize if you can't (or don't want to) provide
the care needed for this something to reach its full potiential and to be fully appreciated
the way it deserves. allowing it to be admired by everyone, helping it to grow and be as
great as it can be...
 
 

but while your in the gallery appreciating the art,  its you and the work one on one. when you stare deep into a painting, that  treasure is all yours. that instant in  space and time belongs only to you and the painitng no  matter what else is going on in her life. husbands, kids, boss, work, whatever- all don't matter when the painting expresses to you its unique messages. these distinct messages can be sent only to you and heard only by you because of your unrepeatable relationship to the painting... everybody sees art differently,  art speaks to people in different ways...

march 4, 2000
i enjoy my job so much (technically and socially) that i can't call it work. i digs computer
technology and i digs people and im good at them both. i provide a "service" to the most
attractive women i have ever worked with. this week i successfully tested a high-profile
technically challenging project with what is possibly my favorite female physical speciman
on this planet...this is my contribution for which im repaid a decent living. this should be the
goal of every individual; do what they love and do best and be repaid by their species with
the means for a good life. humans use $money$ to determine the value of your contribution.
the higher society values what you can do, the more you are paid. the more you are paid,
the "better" lifestyle you can afford. i understand our monetary system so therefore i can
make it work for me...writing this i wonder if its no accident that what we love we do best...
i also wonder if my dailys are becoming too wordy (especially the sentences) and if i may
be taking too deep an angle to get to my point just to promote creativity and to showoff
my writing style which i think is very very very very goood cause i have too much ego
and love hearing myself talk and reading my own writing...maybe-

a few months ago cleaning up while i was off-work semi sick, the stitching from a blanket
i have had for a very long time unraveled. the satiny trim came of in one nice long piece.
i thought about all the people who may have used that blanket over the years and the
energy, essence or even DNA that it has. so i took this 7 foot long satin sash and wore
it as a head band the rest of the day, even out in public to price costco. yesterday i
wrapped it around my right wrist a couple of times leaving two 4 foot lengths draping.
i wore this all day at work going about my daily routine. all kinds of comments flowed
like my sash from the peanut gallery. from "your boyfriend forgot to untie you" to
"thats beautiful" & "i want one for both wrists." my explanations ranged from "spiritual
adornment" to "how cool is it for a 37 year old man to wear something like this at work"
 
 

lot of people listening to moby at work today, including me...also ran into a few more people  familiar with the blue man group...my weekly "all you can eat" sushi was free again (4 in a  row, can i make it five?) and this time it  turned into a party...

february 27, 2000
the bell who took our luggage to the valet was born 5 minutes from where i grew up...
the little bit of networking i did at the private p-funk NAMM concert got me and my page
noticed by lava.com and a link to my review 2 clicks from their main page. i think that
is cool as hell...the following was posted to the "most official" worldwide p-funk bulletin
board and its more sum'n sum'm im very proud of:

re pfunk1
by reliable source
if yall dont no who pfunk1 is yall is somebody who needs to get their head checked. everytime
the band is in cali hes always their front and center start to finish, sings every song word for word
even if the show is not so good. he never asks for comp tickets or anything like that. what a loyal
funk fan. if your ever in cali go stand next to the brotha with the steelers jersey with pfunk1 on the
back and learn bout some funk.whaz up pfunk1 you should no who this is i got you backstage at
the key club two weeks ago.
Posted on Feb 15 2000 , 07:54 AM

felt like blowin' my own horn...i wonder how many people realize that puerto rico,
guam and the virgin islands have votes in the presidential primaries, it surprised me...they're
like "states" i guess. wonder if we will ever change the number of stars on the flag...would also
"mess up" some old patriotic lyrics...

february 26, 2000
i knew the way things were going it wouldnt be long before i wrote my first ever double daily-
im in bellagio now in a cafe where i just paid $6 for a smoothie, i got a window seat
with a good people watching view of folx from all over the world, all i need is an electrical
outlet. the dancing water show in front of bellagio every hour was VERY good. the water really
seemed to actually dance to the music and it shot up so high on the grand finale that i spontaneously
cheered outloud. ceaser's palace and it's forum shops may still be the best attraction in vegas though,
(even with all the new theme hotels) or it just maybe my current infatuation with rome. the robotic
talking statue show was very good- they stood up, gestured and seemed very real. there was fire
and water and lights and music and all kinds of sensory stimulation. the plush atmosphere, the
roman architecture, paintings, sculptures and gold fixtures on the ceilings & walls and all the shops
created a very nice setting to get lost and drift in. 3 very cool shops; the discovery channel store, t
he muesum company and especially the galleria di sorrento. i had been to the galleria before but
this time it just flat out felt like i was in a museum, i got good pix of  the art & sculpture...
the attractive people stay up here on the strip and i see plenty of them now, not like downtown
where we're staying (am i not one of the attractive people?). we got in about 5:30pm last night
and mommy split 30 minutes after that. when that 60 yr old woman returned at 10am this morning
just as i was leaving (i slepted all night) she said she had ran into family and found out half of our
CA relatives are in vegas too....
 

february 26, 2000
you can catch tiger woods cussing  ("s" word, goddamn) on tv when he blows a shot...
i like both the fact that he shows that kinda emotion in such a emotionally dry sport and
the fact that its not bleeped out...

i believe the overwhelming majority of the greatest thinkers of mankind believed in god.
more resource has been untilized in the name of religion and god than for any other cause.
god is one of man's deepest passions, wars have been fought to ensure the success of god,
people have dedicated their whole lives to spreading religion. the vatican is a multi-billion
dollar organization that has for a long time had access to the greatest and most
profound knowledge, thinking, science and understanding. then why after 4000 years
and all this resource has not one conclusive proof of god been found? conclusive
evidence of the existence of god is the most important or aggressively sought piece of evidence
in history. you know "they"can't wait to say "see!! look at this!! we got proof!!." after all this
effort and dedication over so much time if your scientific exploration or discovery mission isn't
successful you might wanna rethink the idea...don't ya think? maybe its just me...
 

february 24, 2000
im still researching the viking data, but early results say no sample was brought back to
earth (sample was taken, analyzed by lander and results radioed to earth) and there was
no evidence found of life past or present...

jerome bettis is the star of the pittsburgh steelers offense, he is affectionately know as
"the bus". so every sunday during the NFL season, a piece of my 28 year steeler passion
is focused on him and his performance. i literally scream this man's name in public and
imitate the dance he does after he busts one. last night at his grammy party, i saw #36 the
person, not the football player. though it was easy to seperate my passion for the player/team
from the person, i was still in awe of the man's physical ability and what he does on the field.
i enjoyed seeing the "man" and re-experiencing all the highs and lows me and #36 have had
over the years, it made me smile...but what really made me smile was the females!!!
 

february 23, 2000
the last people in the elevator with me when leaving the getty last saturday was a
black family (he was about my age so i did my usual instant  mental comparison of
what his life "looked like" vs what  mine is). it was kinda weird because the 6 of us
probably made up 95% of the black folx i saw all day at the getty... he said to me-
"are you the guy with the p-funk plates?" i was all smiles and yeah! then his wife
said "we were listening to p-funk and then we looked up and saw your plate!" stuff like
this has been happening to me alot lately and i was very very mellow from the getty
experience so i wasn't overwhelmed by it, but i did ask them twice about the p-funk...
macy gray's cd is good music with a happy and postive movement-

last night in astron 1a, one of the more bizarre questions turned extremely interesting-
it was about life on other planets, but worded from a very strange understanding-
(i just made that up"a very strange understanding,"  dont't steal it, its mine)
long story short, our very knowledgeable instructor told us that based on evidence from
meteorites and samples of soil brought back to earth by the viking spacecraft (will research
the viking mission data) that maybe 95% of jpl/nasa believes
life once existed on mars!!!
i was like "HOLD UP!! i gotta question...so you're saying the jpl/nasa official stand is
that life existed on mars at one time?" and he said that based on the evidence, 95%
of the scientists believe it did. i was like "does the vatican know about this???"
ofcourse, there are many questions like "who/what is the 95%" and blah blah blah-
but im not trying to take this into a court of law, i can accept this information based
on the integrity and respect i have for the instructor and his knowledge...
maybe im easily impressed or maybe i can see things others can't, but this is major...

february 20, 2000
matter creates space and time. matter is energy and energy is matter.
everything in the universe (matter & energy)  is in motion.

sound is the "friction" of motions. you cant have sound without motion.
it is waves of  vibration traveling through a medium (through air to your ear).
there are many kinds of waves, light and heat are waves of electromagnetic radiation.

music is waves of sound. sound represents motions. music is sounds that are in sync.
when listening to music, it is as if all the motions around you are in sync and in harmony.
(would have been nice to have been able to factor in "e-motion" in this equation,
since music can be such a emotionally moving experience)

since i got the roof of my convertible fixed and cause i have underground parking
at home and at work, the most i have to walk outisde is 20 feet. this makes rainy
days not so bad. in fact, im kinda getting into this storm we are having. rain, wind,
blinds wide open & window slightly cracked, candle, music (enigima), heat on...
 

love is non-drug induced euphoria

the rhythm of the music, the sound, smell and air of rain,  flickering candle, lightning... different kinds of stimulation  creating harmony across my senses - a harmony of space&time  that will occur only once - a harmony that i alone will hear...