october 1, 2000
olympic moments...
the russian men kiss on the lips. almost every victorious athlete cried-
even the fastest man in the world, mo green. both shows of emotion is cool.
marion jones is fine and she will eventually divorce  cj. watching all the artistic
gynastics i noticed that none of it is rythmic or flowing. and even though the
floor exercise is performed to music, the gymnasts stop and start so there is
no rhythmic flow. then i saw the belarus women rhythmic gynastics team
do their thing. this was a beautiful beautiful thing- very artisatic, athletic,
rhythmic and flowing. i was very impressed and i think this is the most
pleasing to watch olympic event by far. i would attend this event live if i had
a chance. i also saw the brazilian womens volleyball team. this team was a
rainbow of different complexions, hair color, hair textures and body sizes.
it not only proved my "i like them all" point below but one of the cutest ones,
leila barros is 5"10 159lbs...but svetlana is still my olympic sweetheart...

september 27, 2000
the spirit energized is slowly returning. i could feel it and i annouced it-
"im feeling better" i couldn't stop talking, the singing and dancing is back...
this is the sweetest feeling i have ever had. its being the happiest for no
apparent reason other than living. it feels so good. it feels so strong that i
am kinda afraid of it. it is makes me feel free, confident and very very powerful.
i have read about others who have had this. i was saying today "im feeling better
and i really dont want to." its like im not ready for it to return for some
strange reason. maybe cause it feels too strong and powerful.

its like my body got "sick" and shutdown to recover. with this energized
spirit there is no way i could rest. for the last week i have been at best 65%
physically. walking very slow, taking my time with everything, resting and recovering-
i noticed i was walking faster during work. i had to slow my self down
cause i didnt wanna go fast yet. maybe i feel like im gonna use it up and
i wanna save it, but i know this energy is infinite-

each time it leaves and returns i feel more powerful, more confident and
stronger than ever. the increase in confidence seems to raise my understanding.
or it may be my understanding is raised and so goes my confidence.

but one thing is for sure, energy or no energy there is something that always
excites me. i realized i could be dead and i would still be moved...
after the competiton is finished the olympic gymnasts put on a "gala" where
they do fun routines for the audience. svetlana khorkina did the uneven bars
and after her landing, she did this little hip wiggle that literally made me scream-
that little 5'5" inch 104lb russian girl's wiggle was felt thru my entire body.
before the wiggle i watched this girl all week and even had the webpage
above on my desktop all day. the beauty of the female body-
the lines, the contour...and there is something about this one...

now i dont necessarily like tiny, skinny 100lb females, it is common knowledge
i prefer sum'n around 5'10 - 150. but the other day there was this other skinny
frail female that stimulated me. IT WASNT A SEXUAL STIMULATION!!!!
(ok, maybe 30% sex) im still not sure what it is about females that moves
(not excites) me so deeply. but after being "stimulated" by this skinny pale white
girl i realized that i like them all!!! i figured they all move me in a different way.
i think each demographic does something different for me, something...cause i
never tire of female. i can watch all of them all day long (and i do). i just like to
be around them, talk to them, smell them, hear them, listen to them. i dont want sex,
i dont want to "have" them. most of the time im happiest just getting a smile or
eye contact. letting them know i so appreciate them is enough (most of the time).
just seeing a girl walking down the street. i already know i will wreck my car one
day looking, there is no doubt.

writing this, i think what i like is "feeling" them.
a non physical feeling, maybe like a non-physical sexual feeling.
whatever it is, its deep and i like it...

wednesday i went to work my normal dancing and singing self. then all
of a sudden my mood dropped. i was very uncomfortable. i wasnt hurting
or sore, no sore throat, no fever- just every uneasy.  i felt like *h#t.
im thinking it may be the autumnal equinox and/or change in weather-
it was the first overcast and cloudy day in a long time and i know i am
effected by this. im thinking im coming down from"funk week 2000"
where i partied with parliament-funkadelic from vegas to san diego 6 of
7 straight nights.

i sat at my station for awhile to assess the situation and by the time i
got to the "am i sick enough to go home?" question my dispostion was so
bad the question answered itself. i went home and i slept all day long-

no obvious pain, just very very uncomfortable and extremely irritable-
then that gave way to uncertainty and worry, then a drop in conifidence.
confidence in my career and life and some decisions i'm currently making.
not only weak physically, but weak mentally and spiritually-
no dancing, no singing, no laughing and no desire for human interaction.

doctor said i probably just caught a small bug, a virus not strong
enough to make me totally sick, just enough to knock me off balance-
possibly a stomach virus...

anywayz im recovering. and once again it snuck up on me. it surprised
me when i caught myself singing, havent really danced yet but i can
laugh. the really strange part is when i was down i felt like i may never
sing, dance or laugh again- literally. it really felt like it could last forever.

its scary how much your physical health effects your mental.
i mean, with all the understanding, knowledge and experience that i have to
actually believe or feel that i may not be happy again? what about the
people who dont have the understanding that i do? people who dont
have the experiences i have and who feel that they have really nothing to look
forward to? how do these people survive? why do they survive?

there are people with nothing and no chance of success.
you say "there is always a chance," i say no. there is always "hope"
for a success, but there can be 0% to actuall have that success. there are
people born without the skills, tools, capacity or assets to be successful
and happy- by "successful and happy" i mean having one's individual passions,
desires and needs met. these things may vary for each individual, but
happiness is based on how much of these things an individual has...
i do believe that happiness can be quantified by individual

yeah, im feeling better...

september 21, 2000
at $39/mth (no install charges) hi speed DSL internet access at home
is actually cheaper than a second phone line and paying for a dial-up.
fast conveinent access to the internet's information is a very powerful advantage-
i have a mini network with a computer setup in the living room so even as i
watch tv i can get information on any subject known to man with a point & click...
also almost any music: i just napstered madonna's new cd and have gotten
all but 1 of the favorite songs in my life...

i pointed the telescope my sister got me for xmas at the very bright
jupiter the other night and was able to see two of its moons...

while chillin on the venice beach boardwalk waiting for the drum circle
to get going,  i was humming the down beat of atomic dog loud enuff
to get looks from folx. a few minutes later i got even more looks as i
danced eyes closed entranced to the long version of said song that
was being played by one of the street performers...coincidence or
not, i was truly moved to hear this 20 yr old song being played
after i had been groovin so deeply to it with the radio in my head...

it is a celebration of life and everybody&everything in my life.
it is spirit energized by a deep love i have for every single drop of my existence.

this deep love,
which comes from the understanding of things,
raises my consciousnous to a euphoria like state...

a deep understanding of all things creates joy and excitement from everything-
this is literally "heaven on earth"

semptember 7, 2000
PFUNK1 web report: requests by country

september 2, 2000
one sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet blur...

russell crowe
2 movies: gladiator, the insider
2 empires: roman, american
0 lies

august 2, 2000
napster is god

you and me were meant to be walking free in harmony one fine day we'll fly away dont you know that  rome wasn't built in a day? rome wasn't built in a day fragments of freedom morcheeba

june 25, 2000
This is confirmation for your order:

Miss Saigon
8:00 PM Fri, Jun 30, 2000
1 Ticket, Row F, Seats 9-9
RIGHT ORCHESTRA;  5 rows from Stage;  5 seats off aisle

BROADWAY THEATRE
1681 Broadway
New York, NY 10019
(between West 52nd & 53rd Streets)

june 11, 2000
i so love summer. life is just one sweet blur. even the downs feel good.
i have no desire to write about my experiences. (havent been drawing either).
cause im too bizzy enjoying them or just too bizzy- i dont know, probably the
former. birthday, jpl, strip club, dodger game, pickup b-ball, lunches, bars, loosing
$$ on lakers, clubs, parties, people, family, food, girls, music (got a good ticket for
santana @ hollywood bowl in oct), work, school (i got 102 just like i predicted!!), etc-
all combine into one sweet symphony. one thing though- i may be gaining weight,
but i feel so good it cant be wrong so i dont worry about it...

my strongest desire is to learn. been studying particle physics; quarks &
leptons and the forces between them. been looking into what actually is matter-
what is the basic building block that everything is made of. e=mc2 stuff.
understanding what mankind really knows and how man got to these conclusions.
never have been this aggressive about it before...

when im partying & playing, in good spirits, and properly stimulated, my ability to
understand is enhanced. there are times i feel there is nothing i cant understand.
every week i see a little deeper and a little bit clearer and with a deeper understanding.
this stimulates me. sometimes i "worry" that i may not have enough time to study it all.
if i have 25 years of brain power left, will this be enough? it stimulates me to think
how much information i will consume at my present pace in 25 years. it stimulates
me to dream of what i will understand with that information.

all my life ive been able to deeply understand any given system (and as i got older,
any given situation). the hows, whys & whats of it. ive always been able ot see it faster
and better than everybody around me. i can use this understanding to improve the system
or correct flaws in it. alls kinds of systems; educational, social, church, etc.
if given enough information about a system, i can figure it out. the universe is a system.

with what i already know and my ability to understand, can i get enough information
in 25 or so years to under the system that is the universe?

sometimes i am absolutely sure i will reach that understanding-
and this stimulates me most of all...
 
 

may 17, 2000
test back exam2extracredit
dsl
therapist
basketball
lunches