march 28, 2005

i love me some white girls. i really do. now dont get me wrong- i love all females (actually i love almost everything) and black american female moves me most. but there is something about the white american girls i see out here in california that i like. and its not like i want to marry one or sex one, its more of like a pornography or "utility" thing. like in the movie jackie brown when your boy says its just good to have one around. i have recently realized i am attracted to the way white females communicate. you can talk to a white girl about anything, or should i say in my experiences i have found that you can talk to a white american girl about anything and i cant say this about any other demographic. 

i was walking around at lunch today downtown los angeles, still not totally awake from another lazy lazy weekend in which i indulged in my fave sins (sloth, gluttonly, and lust for sure and prolly some others)  to the point my body aches from the inactivity.  ok my point is that while looking at all the females, of which maybe 80% were white, i got a rush of good feeling and energy just seeing all the girls...

ok, the feeling has passed. it was good while i had it but now its gone. ive moved on to feeling something else and thats back to lazy and sloth like. 

i am once again on a new higher astral plane or whatever. i can feel it, i am not like i was before. im more and bigger. more aware, more conscious. bigger confidence, bigger energy. 

now im just talking to be talking. aint got no real direction, but i do have some things i would like to say to have down in print. like my last two trips, THEY WERE MAJOR and ive been too busy to write about them. things are going well in my life and im diggin the opportunities i have to "blow up." im putting things in place and with the right "hit" i should have an infrastructure in place to properly handle things and make me some money so i can pay off my bills and travel. also i believe i will be famous and you know what? i have also grown weary of this topic and wish to end it here. im done. have fun. blah blah blah...
  

february 2, 2005

i believe it to be SUBJECTIVE EXPERIENCE
Posted by (no name) on 2/1/2005, 2:12 pm, in reply to "PFunk1...Question"

ive been told "this is that" and "that is this" all my life. but some of the things i was taught and told didnt make sense to me, even at an early age. like god. i kinda believed in god as i was taught to do until my teens, when it just didnt make sense to me anymore. thats maybe when i started questioning everything!! teachers, my parents, ideas, etc. i think i found also in my teens that people really mean well, but continue to believe in things that are not accurate or proven. they will teach you out of love what they believe to be right in their heart- but thats all it is!!! what THEY believe to be right... science has always played a part in my life. when i was young tv shows regarding space and science and archeology and the such ALWAYS touched me. cause they were based on evidence and experiemnt. why am i saying all this? to get to the point that there was a time in my teenage life when i really started to question everything and did not just accept things, no matter who said it- without some sort of evidence or logic to back it up. scientists were always my faves. philosphers came in my life AFTER i had developed my own understanding of life- and hell yeah it was very comforting to find famous philosophers that agreed with me. #### to find famous people who articulated things i had been believing was euphoric. and plus they would say it "better" than i could. stephen hawking, albert einstein, galileo, copernicus, joseph campbell, depak chopra, etc etc rickey vincent's chapter 18 the metaphysics of the P is another person who said sumthin i believed in a way "better" than i prolly could have at the time. FUNK and P-FUNK changed my life cause it said simply that life aint all that serious. mothership connection- it aint nothing but a party. that was something a black inner city teenager could stand by and with. it was funky and cool which was something that me and my boys could "relate" to musically. i was always told to "grow up" and "act my age." parliament- funkadelic presented something that said "funk'em be who you want" cause it aint all that serious. that shit hit home. after 30 years its hard to say whether P-FUNK shaped my thinking or did it come along at the right time for me at the right age. i dont know. now the P-FUNK philosophy is so deeply embedded in me there is no way of knowing where it began and where i did. there has never been anything in any parliament funkadelic lyric that i have strongly disagreed with. nothing that i can think of where i said "#### that, thats ####ed up." thats a big thing. imagine "using" that as a "belief system" and having it "never let you down." it not only never let me down, it has made me successful!! when people think of jeffery they think of that P-FUNK shit cause of the way i have lived my life and i am very proud of that. even my daddy acknowledges!!! where was i? you got me going...what was the question??? shit im on a roll... P-FUNK did not dwell on love or god. this is something i VERY STRONGLY aligned with. i do not like R&B cause its dysfunctional and strung out on love. and i think believing in god is riduclous. so did i develop my understanding in response to P-FUNK or did we align and grow together? i dont know. so i really do believe my ideas and philosophy are based on my subjective experiences and how i, jeffery scott mitchell, personally interprets the universe around me. thats why my book IS titled "one man's FUNK ENTELECHY and THEORY OF UNIVERSE. all it is my ideas and my personal thoughts and my ideas. i think everybody should develop their own personal philosophy based on their own experience and not try to find one in a religion or any other prepared philosophy. also regarding my book i was thinking today that when a person writes a book like i did, he is putting his ideas and beliefs in writing and making them public. this i am very proud of and it takes a lot to take a stand like this. ive found that it takes a certain kind of person, everybody cant do this. to have your ideas and theories in writings that you can be held publicly accountable is something... well based on the "P" purley? no, nothing i do is based on anything solely. i take the best and logical parts from many different ideas and philosophies to form one i am comfortable with. even jesus and religion has good points- i never was really a book reader. ive read very few books in my life and the ones i did were science based. there were never any philosophers or religions that i followed. so no i am not versed in philosophy, i dont think   thank you thank you thank you for such an inspiring question- i hope i answered your question as this became a very self satisfying exercise- everything is subjective

the signifigance of my ATHEISM

Posted by PFUNK1 on 2/2/2005, 9:46 am, in reply to "i believe it to be SUBJECTIVE EXPERIENCE"

once i started questioning the idea of god which led to my non-belief in a conscious higher power, i no longer looked to god or the bible to answer the ultimate questions i had for example, the qustion "who created the universe?" could no longer be answered with simply "god." how did he do it? the answer "he spoke it into existence" was no longer acceptable to me. it was not logical and it did not make any sense. i was "forced" or i chose to find more practical answers to my questions and for a long time now i have been finding those answers via science and experiemnt. (i mean c'mon "he spoke it into existence?? what the hell does that mean?! even devout believers cant answer what's up with that!!! how did he speak it??? LOL)   what also came from this is the realization that there are things that i and "we" dont know yet. what created the big bang? "i dont know." i "learned" that the answer "we dont know yet" is not only a valid answer, but the correct one in a lot of cases!! i could no longer accept the answers that god and religion gave me. i do not and cannot respect this kind of blind faith and non-logical thinking. so since i was a teenager i did not look to god or religion or the bible to shape my worldview and how things work in the universe secondly, when i stopped believing in god this removed any belief i had in a power higher than me. so what developed is the idea that there is nothing "higher" than us!! i walk around this rock truly believing that there is nothing higher than us. i am not subservient to anything in the universe. this has to effect one's thinking and understanding. to believe that there is a higher power that you cannot see, and to believe that there are things that you cannot know or understand regarding this god- has to limit a person's conscious awareness and understanding. i can no longer accept these kind of answers and to be honest when i meet someone who believes in the traditional god i feel i have an advantage over him because he is subservient to something. i bow to nothing, but i respect everything. a famous atheist once said something like mankind will never reach self-actualization as long as he believes in a conscious protecting god who has determined our lives for us already. and i believe this. for mankind to make the next big step, we must understand that we is all we got. my ATHEISM has opened a whole new world,  understanding and conscious awareness for me

december 28, 2004

if god is all powerful and knowing, then he allowed this to happen-
and at the least he had the power to prevent it.
at the "worse" it was his idea and intention

was/is it in god's plan for this to happen?


if he did not or could not prevent this than he is not all powerful





were all 50,000 of those people sinners?



this was a natural disaster, by definition "an act of god-"

did mankind bring this on himself?




please explain how this event fits into any idea of a conscious god





i do not believe in god so basically things like this can "just happen."

should there be an underlying energy which effects processes
of life and the living i do not believe it to be of
a conscious nature. it could be that something like a result of our own
conscious energies (thoughts, faiths, emotional energies) effect matter 
(the physical world) in ways we dont know yet. 

this would happen at very very very sub sub atomic levels
maybe even withn the interaction of the most elementary of particles 


a quark is a particle they believe to make up protons 


a gluon holds protons together





god does not play dice-
stephen hawkin just quoted einstein in my discovery channel background noise
with that mechanical voice talking about singularity and black holes




gloryhallastoopid
red giants, white dwarfs, BIG BANG!!!!





that fuss was us








what if einstein was a nigga





no, not nigger cause any "race" can be that




they knew what would happen if they taught us







i realized i need whiteboy in my funk. i need that 
technological mechanical clang and noise in the rhythm
or sumn. my funk music needs to be complex. not that
black folx cant be complex its just that white people
kinda invented it and just gettin around to sharing
the knowledge. i aint mad at them though, not at all.
if i was them i wouldnt have taught us either shit 




we did build this motherfucker though. all kinds of
niggers. chinese, irish, british, african, etc. the best and 
the brightest came later as all kinds of criminals
and prisoners and slaveries occurred first. yeah, do your
history and find that african rulers sold their 
criminals into slavery. they say that you see no 
indication of white people like 75 miles inland africa.
african folx was "bringing" slaves to the coast to the traders.



anyways mothership connection is definitely a mechanical technological
sound in the keyboards and thats what first caught me. the spaceship
and themes are science based but the beat and groove is nigga. 

was funkadelic technological? mr pedro bell did the covers but
he says mr clinton said just do them without giving him too much
of an idea but that could be wrong cause ya pick up things just by
being around, anyways... parliament is almost geeky. fuck it is geeky. 

1975 chocolate city (politics, race)
1975 mothership (spaceships ufos)
1976 clones of dr funkenstein (cloning, genetics)
1977 funkentelechy (mind science social psychological control)
1978 motor booty affair (coming together for a party underwater) 
1979 gloryhallstoopid (big bang) 
1980 trombipulation (evolution)

-unfinished so what

december 27, 2004
i think i may have heard it properly worded today. it was said by margaret macmillan on c-span who mesmerized me with her soothing caucasian demeanor. a caller asked if she ever considered the bible as a reference in her historical work or sumn like that. she very very very politely said that she would never question someone's beliefs. and i thought, WHY NOT!! if someone said something about anything else other than god its ok to challenge the validity of the claim by asking for proof or evidence. if i made a scientific or any other claim i would have to back it up, but its all but against the law to challenge someone about the possibility or plausibility of their religious beliefs.   

at first this thinking may have been needed to lead to the religious freedoms we have now. but today it is used to hide behind. why are we not allowed or should i say "not supposed to" to question the logic and reasoning of a persons religious claims about god? this allows for people (us) to believe in things that could be complete fantasy and illusion cause we do not have to provide evidence (even to ourselves! we are taught its ok to believe this even without evidence!!). so basically you can believe god is anything you want cause there is nothing to base your idea on to contradict any claim. 

a sunday evening  get some air drive los angeles 
home - 134 east  - 101 south - 110 south - 10 west - 1 north 
-chill overlooking ocean at sunset and pacific coast highway (1)-
1 south - 10 east - 405 north - home

The ultimate meaning of life is to live it. There is no big mystery about that. But life would not be worth living if it knew no happiness or love. It has been well argued since Aristotle that happiness is the ultimate aim of living, for it is the only thing we seek for itself. Everything else we pursue for some other reason, but we seek happiness for no other reason than to be happy. And though the preacher loves to attack the hedonism which he thinks this entails, in actual fact his own religion is based on the very same principle. For all the goals of religion are sought for some other reason, except the ultimate goal of eternal happiness. For when a preacher says "worship god" and the congregation asks why, and continues to ask the why of every answer he gives, he can only end the interrogation by answering with the same ultimate answer: "because it will make you happy."
http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/richard_carrier/ought.html   

december 20, 2004
because we wont put our full effort into living and living right until we know and believe that its up to us and not a god to "fix" our problems. our problems simply being the distribution of wealth- primarily food, water and shelter. most people seem comfortable with living in the region where they are i could be wrong so i dont think the redistribution of lands is a problem.

until we realize that our backs are up against the wall and its us and not god that will have to take action we will not exert an urgency or 

there is no god to protect us so the things that we ask god to do will go undone unless we do them ourselves. so until we deeply and truly realize that there is no protecting force we are kinda leaving ourselves open as we do not address these issues because we believe its in god's hands. 

we beg and plead for him to guide and protect us. we worship him like nothing else. god is the ultimate worship. its the one thing society oks you to give your all to. or should i say god is never or rarely discouraged publicly. i take that back. in the mainstream public eye. sharp witty comments and comedy can be made but is there a real and compelling documentary or sumn out there that is anti-god? i mean a good one that people can get behind. i believe deeply that most people DO NOT believe in god.  they do not even understand him enough to believe in him properly. 

open public discussion about one's personal beliefs. not mandatory or forced explanations, but people should no longer be "allowed" to say "its my god, its personal and i dont have to explain it." ofcourse i said that wrong but i couldnt find the right word for "not allowed." or maybe not considered acredited until its backed up with reason. 

i would love for president bush to explain his god. and explain how he believes (if he does) that his god created the universe or life or whatever. people can VERY easily believe in the simple docturine of the bible and god, there is no "ability" needed. no capacity or research or work needed. all you have to do it believe.

when they are begging you to believe they should have to explain "whys" and "hows" and not just come at you with "please believes" and "the rewards are." 

how does your god provide all that he says he does? 

how does he guide or protect you? how did he create the universe?

i just fired the above off after reading some crazy christian spam and im gonna leave it all broken up and un-edited. i let the energy in my body go and i purposely zoned and typed crazily as i tried to keep up with the thoughts in my head. i felt i needed to get the idea down in type before it went away. they are fleeting like that sometimes when im thinking on the fringes of my understanding. when my adreneline gets going and all that energy is being pumped to my brain i try to channel it directly into creative thought. i zone i know it. i can feel myself go in and out of it. but sometimes when in it i just feel it and dont observe it. im in the moment. 

and i want to write sumn that doesnt make sense anyways. that is my goal sometimes to push it to the very limit. to go farther and farther, higher and higher. to speculate wrong or incorrectly, cause that means you are out there on the fringe. sometimes thats what i want. yeah you could say i feel i aint wrong enough sometimes. but to compensate there are times when i feel im absolutely positively hittin it right on the head. cause it all fits everyday all day. 24 days a week 7 hours a day it all fits into my philosophy. dont jinx it they say. i say im gonna ride this horse until it drops. i must go with the funk. just keep expressing. keep it coming out of me and we'll sort it out later. it will all make sense as it always does, doesnt it? i know i wrote 24 days 7 hours i did it on purpose why? to trip you out to take you out of you familiar reading pattern this makes you pay more attention to whats being said. you may even have to re-read stuff just so it makes sense and that is what i want here. 

i want you out of your normal comfortable thinking routines. exit your safe zone. go to the fringe. you live once. we are strong creatures built to endure thanks to our evolution so we should not worry of death. it will happen when it happens so we should not worry it. simply put but true. we are a hardy, capable species. 

we are conscious. we have the ability to mind it so we have the ability to create it. nothing else we know of has that. its the most powerful thing there is in the universe. NOTHING COMPARES TO CONSCIOUSNESS. note the muthafunkin' caps people i done said sum'n. we must have an amount of consciousness or a percentage of. cause we dont have total consciousness as the chances are we have a certain percentage of consciousness. we can easily see lesser consciousness in other animals. but what is higher? what could the next step(s) in consciousness be?

prolly gonna have sum'n to do with love. for those of use fortunate enough to be able to experience this feeling we know how powerful an influence it can be on us. what we think and what we would do for what we love. what we would do for our kids is the strongest thing... im gonna revise that im gonna make it more personal in that the strongest feelings i ever had was for my children. nothing comes even close, but i know everybody doesnt have that and its cool. its just the way it is. but for me that is the strongest thing so im thinking that will influence society most. and for the most part this is true. kids rule. what kids want really does rule. american (at least this is the only one i know) society for sure kids dominate. we grow up to be spoiled also. many of us will never realize how lucky we are to be in america. or in the west. or a thriving part of western culture. to be thriving with the best of the best species in the universe. to attain a level of energy and radiance to influence the history of mankind. to do it naturally without aggression, without passivity, without thought. with an instinctive thing. go above or below civilization's pretenses to the core of it all; food, water, shelter. 

somehow the human has evolved a need to be productive. to work. there are humans that cannot be happy unless they are producing something. they just couldnt sit around and eat bananas all day. without work they would wither and die physically with their mental if not challenged no matter how proper the diet. they would go crazy if nothing else. maybe one of civilization's pretenses. or sumn. im fringin so it dont matter.

i may have even forgot the point. time for monday night football. 

november 27, 2004

"Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my m-m-m-m-m-mind"

november 22, 2004
time flys when you're havin fun. i laid down for my post steeler game sunday nap yesterday say around 4pmish. i wake up at 8:35pm, i bathroom get a taste of water and wonder if i should get up. i dont. i go back to bed and awake around 12:35am. i bathroom again and hope i can sleep the rest of the night. i go back to bed and awake around 3:31am which is like an hour and 20 minutes before my scheduled 4:50 normal rise for work. i sleep again this time till 4:44am where i get up and get the day and the week started as i will use the extra 6 minutes to cut my hair and stuff. 

when you go to bed like that sometimes when i wake up i find that i left my apartment "open" in the sense that i didnt close curtains or windows and the such. sometimes food is left out as eating and going to sleep is one of my favorite pastimes. but this time everything seemed to have been readied before i laid down.

thinking this 12 hour sleep fest in which i emerged feeling really good i realized that the last (wait let me check), yeah the last 2 weekends ive been on travel and though a lot of that travel was sleeping i still needed to extended down time. there are alot of good things going on in my life and even though they are good i still need jeffery time to hibernate and be alone with my thoughts and ideas. maybe to keep my focus on where i want to go and maybe to reinforce or review my philosophy and my principles that got me here. i dont know, maybe im over thinking this cause its monday morning and im at work at 6:43am and my work day which begins with that first call hasnt happened yet.

hey we get x-giving off this thursday so thats cool and raw sugar is wednesday night and ya know i digs hanging out with them girls at they parties so life is looking pretty good. i have one issue i need to address dealing with an outstanding credit debt and once thats handled ill be completely stress free again. 

the pittsburgh steelers are playing the best football on the planet right now and even though we played a bad game we won cause thats how good we are right now. at the steeler bar i sat alone as i usually do but this time i was really aware of how i seperate myself from the crowd but still participate in it. it was kinda weird in that i recognized that i want to be alone but part of the group. ya know? i dont want to sit with nobody or at nobody's table and be "obligated" to listen or talk to another person. hell im cool talking directly to the players on the tv no matter who or what is around. so as outgoing and as people friendly as i am i think yesterday i made obvious to me the "proper" separation and distance i would like to keep in a crowd. kinda cool yesterday too was a black female that i havent seen before comes in and grabs a seat next to me. its clear she is into the game for some special reason and through small talk i learn her husband plays for the steelers. in my separation zone i had no desire to ask who it was. and quite frankly didnt care to know even though i was curious. here we go, first call of the week. it was an easy one. and plus i knew i was "supposed" to go "oh really who is it?" and go wow gosh oh golly and what not. but i didnt and i wondered of the impact that would have if any. anyways it was cool and she was too and so was my yester-sunday. 

response to my book is good. all good and that is what concerns me. almost 0% negative feedback or criticism. and yes im looking for a "this is wrong" or for someone to point out an inaccuracy or to dispute one of my ideas and show me where im wrong. not that i dont think that i could have written a solid enough piece that doesnt have any flaws, its just that if a person does a test and all the results are the same its up to that person to verify the test. or even make it so stringent that you do get a failure to test the test. so far, everybody seems to dig what i say in it. i sent a copy to my kids and am waiting for any feedback from their household as my ex-wife is a part of that and i am interested in what she has to say about the book. and more so what she may or may not say about my lifestyle over the past years that is revealed in my book. i aint send one to my father yet but did give one to my mother who i always assume will "report" to my father though they are some 20 years divorced and 2000 miles apart.

got an external refurbished usb dvd burner that works well with my laptop. i paid like $100 at frys for it. the next day i went to walmart and picked up a dvd player for $60. so now i have the capability to make media with the power of information of video and audio (dvds) that can be mailed cheaply and can be played in the common household. everybody got dvd and now i can make them. did a test using some of the concert video i've shot in the past and the quality is not that bad. not professional quality, but not that hideous. and i got a lot of video from the past.

what else? oh yeah the big thing is handling this outstanding credit debt. i probably owe the debt. it was being collected by an agency who told me that if i didnt do business with them it would escalate to lawyers who were ruthless, and this seems to be the case. the collection agency was happy to get $35 a month just to keep it open. this new law firm wants %25 of the amount owed and then like $300 a month. so im dealing with them as i cant afford them numbers. i have other financial responsibility that i should be able to handle as scheduled but this credit debt one needs to be settled and is on my mind. i do not want this or anything to impact my current lifestyle, if ya know what i mean.
        

october 20, 2004
http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html
   

october 12, 2004

i decided to vote for the first time in my life after watching george w. bush give a speech or some conservative republican function. i have never been "mobilized" like that in my life. i dont think anything "positive" in nature could have moved me like that. it made my skin crawl.

 then to have decided months ago to vote for kerry to have him actually say the word "atheist" in the debate. right after kjlh played flashlight in the lunchtime truck ride which was after 92.3 played knee deep that sunday when i was hanging out with moremi in mommys car. its fluid and its harmonious and its beautiful.

but be it known that my spiritual affiliation with P-FUNK (PURE FUNK) is mine and my own. just as is my atheistic faith. these things are only what one man believes as i speak for only jeffery. the official combination and recognition of P-FUNK and ATHEISM i may have never directly made before. i grew up attending church and actually functioning with its system not really believing in god, but not lieing either. i never stated anything in church that i did not believe. i use to speak all the time at church up until i was 13-14. i knew how to say things that i knew they would like to hear (get the church's energy up) without going against my beliefs or by saying something i disagreed with. and for the most part i didnt believe in god.

p-funk (parliament/ funkadelic) never addressed this subject directly. so i say all this to say that p-funk never touched the religion topic so it was compadible with my beliefs. or did my beliefs evolve with this non- religious music? did the music or the times (70s and 80s) make me atheistic and this music also? 

i do not believe i am a product of my environment to this degree. well i probably hoping for ego's sake that the atheism in me is unique. that may be the one thing that i really want credit for. my atheism. i want all the credit for that for some reason. i can share everything else, but the idea that there is no god has never been done the way im doing it before. this i am bold enough to stretch out on. the theories and the writing and the groovin and the such i kinda dont mind the possibility that im not the very best at. but maybe the atheistic stuff i will accept no equal. i dont know

over the weekend i zoned out  and did some scattered mental scribbling with the almost intention to theorize so far on the fringes of my understanding that i state something wrong. i wanted to go so far out there that i would write something down that would be disproved later. i was dealing with time and physics and einsteins theory of relativity and where i think its wrong or where i have a misunderstanding. ive been wrong before. 

i have a lot of women around me. quality women too. almost my total day im in contact or vibe energy of quality female. at work no matter where i wander. the best ones are the ones that i havent or dont talk to. the closes one is the one i see least. aint seen that one face to face in maybe 2 years. right now at work my two favorites are not talking to me. and to be honest i cant believe it could be better. the best relationships are the ones that have not yet been determined. the ones that are still innocent technically. those are the best. once you cross a line its no fun to me. i have found and have had to  admit to myself there are people i want up on that pedestal. i want them to have an  exaulted position. i said one time as she stood 4 feet from me that "i love her so much that talking to her would just ruin it." life is the best.

anyways to have the man you decided you would vote for come out and say the word ath... did i cover this already? it seems that i did. i think you get the point anyways. there is a girl i pass everyday at lunch that ive never spoken to. i am sure to see her as i walk by and thats all that i want. to see her. not to talk or maybe even to care how she is doing. well that may be a bit drastic as there is a romantic harmony to these relationships. the key is for all to be good. that means; kids, husbands, boyfriends, mothers, fathers, etc. everybody is happy and everybody has their place in her life. and my place is to walk by everyday at lunchtime and enjoy the female that you are. or is that her place in my life? there must be a mutual harmony. i must be of some minor signifigance to her for it to be mutual. 

even if its not mutual it is in my own mind so i win. i have many of these non verbal relationships. once directly acknowledged they die. they are too fragile for the social physics in my world. my understanding of life gives me a faith beyond confidence. a place with no fear. being a man comes this capability. the physical dominance plays a part. along with the mental and spiritual. there is a strength and a power from understanding i have. not immortal physically, but there are immortal aspects of me. of us. i dont have immortal aspects but we do.  

where was i? oh yeah i made an off the cuff statement that i liked the way older white females communicate. i wasnt lieing when i first typed it in an e-mail cause it sounded good. i had time to later more think it and yes it is true, i do. there is something about the way white female communicates that im attracted to. i dont mean exclusively in any way or form. i digs it all but white girls got a way of opening up and expressing themselves that is very special. and i like going there intellectually with them. 

im reading and thinking that on october 5th i bought a plastic nun bank and october 7th i posted a picture of it below and then on october 8 kerry says atheist on national tv. one of my most proud atheist days ever. and ya know? i didnt even brag it up. i kept it inside as a confidence energy or ego boost. i walked around with it. i felt it. in fact i didnt even talk it up at ALL!!! i will tomorrow...and i was tired today too.  sooooo.... 

i had an hibernating weekend. i ate and slept so much my body ached. literally. 3 day weekend by monday i could barley sit up straight. on the scale today im up 13lbs from friday. monday i dragged myself out the house and took a ride to venice beach. i had pizza and twizzlers and marshmellows and a pastrami rueben from togos and honey mustard pretzels and a gallon of fruit drink and hot wings and french fries (on two different occasions) damn now that i look back wow! i was going for it. i watched a good movie slaughter rules on ifc and not much else kinda. cool part about it all is that when i did get up and out i walked venice beach confident and dominant. strolling and just looking at and enjoying everything and anybody i wanted to. sunny, warm, not too crowded. relaxed comfortable at peace. thats having the funk as opposed to being funky. that complete comfortable relaxed coolness on a groove and in harmony with every single individual rhythm that ever was or will be.
   

october 9, 2004
     

october 7, 2004
      

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women  and blessed is the fruit of thy womb Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners,  now and at the hour of our death.  Amen.

 
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