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Jun 18

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I Am So Very Deeply In Love With My Existence…

and yes, “in love” with it like it’s my girlfriend. come to think about it, “life” just might be my wife…

i used the word “wife” for the poetic effect of the rhyme, but the term seems too institutionalized or sum’n for what i mean. made me rethink the whole idea of “wife” and marriage. not that i’m against it, but i understand it’s for business purposes- to protect both parties in a proposed long term relationship. “girlfriend” can seem too casual in ways but has a warmer feel. (not a fan of the use of “partner” at all in these situations)

the relationship i’m in with life feels exclusive. by choice im finding that i want nothing and nobody in between me and life. some of my most precious time is being alone and inside my own head. walking into my apartment where there is no obligation to be outside of the realm of my own thought. don’t have to talk to nobody and don’t have to listen to nobody. don’t want to talk to nobody and don’t want to listen to nobody. a focus on my thoughts, ideas and ponderings. during this time right now that’s all i want to do. i’m not talking about being a hermit or separating my self from family or people. it’s the extended time in freedom of thought i cherish right now.

there is a physical aspect to it also. in my current situation i have the ability and desire to get up and go at the drop of a hat. i understand that being in a relationship with someone (this includes the relationship im in with my job) there is declared and undeclared obligation. not many would be able to keep up with my travel and journeys. hell even i have trouble keeping up with them, so i can’t expect another person to. in my experience i would not expect someone to tolerate or maybe even understand my coming and goings. and even more i don’t want anybody near to being in that position. my job and the stuff i want to do leaves very little room for anything else. and right now i’m loving it.

relationships are overrated anyways

LOL!

this kind of independence also has to do with having close friends. yeah sure you will say people should be happy that you are doing what you really want to do. in my experience that only works for so long or for so far. you either grow apart as mutual time is limited or one becomes more immersed in their own adventure. “close” as in close friends is relative and the term “friend” is highly subjective. chatting once a month could be considered close. close friends could have never met. sooooo what am i getting at? i forgot. but it’s natural for a friend to get a bit jelly if another is doing things that they dream to do. and how it feels sharing adventure with folks who cant and maybe never will. like eating a steak in front of a starving person. LOL. and there is the other side where you become “attached” and would rather be with them than go if they can’t…

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