Is Pride A Subconscious Sin?

OK. Time for back to work deep thoughts from extended time inside myself. I thought that the saying “a fish don’t know he’s wet” has got play a major part in the mortal sin of pride.

One’s thinking has to be at such a deep level that it is inherent. I mean, Ok I do not believe all people are created equal. And yes I believe some people are “better” than others. In saying that please remember I do not believe in the concept of right or wrong, therefore what “better” means is so relative and subjective that outside of my own head it means nothing. Everything is a competition and everything has a ranking and status. This is according to what that thing can do or how that thing can benefit or hinder me. Yes, a worthy enemy could be “better” than a trusted friend depending on it’s direct impact on me- be it positive or negative. With all that said about my status system also factor in a heavy dose of I don’t care. I believe apathy is much disrespected when it comes to the stereotypical idea of what happy is, or the seeking of happiness. Kind of like I don’t really care enough about you for you to give me the ability to hurt your feelings. What I say or do should not matter to 99.99999% of you.

OK, where was I? Oh yeah, the “fish/wet” thing. Sure I think I’m more capable than most and “better” at a lot of things than a lot of people, but if I’m committing the mortal sin of pride it has to happen before everything I said here. It has to happen in my subconscious in an almost natural feeling of superiority that occurs before my thoughts become thoughts. I talk crazy comparing my ability and perceived successes but that’s all self-gratifying entertainment for my amusement (for the most part). Remember, I really don’t care about anything that doesn’t directly affect me or what I’m doing at this point in life so me being better than someone else is fairly irrelevant.

I enjoy meeting people or seeing things they have done that I feel have been done better than I could have done. Hell it’s to the point I seek such things and have little patience for anything remedial. I know who I am and I love who I am and feel I’ve gotten and have mine. I’m content in ways that make me feel I can’t be psychologically offset by what someone else can do (“better” than me). But I can be set off by something that impresses me and seeing someone out perform me (purely subjective). Sooooo all this being said if I do commit the mortal sin of pride I wouldn’t know it. Not sure I would care if I did because I am on a mission that requires such ego. The goal of my mission? I honestly couldn’t tell you. Only history can and will.

Icarus did it right. Go out trying to fly too high. Though I understand the jist of the parable that there is always a going too far in everything. but in this era of anti-aggressive behavior and folks saying that they are sorry for every little thing i am irritated. the meek may inherit the earth but that’s if there is anything left when the more aggressive of us are done with it. push the boundaries of humility. if you don’t get slapped once or twice in your life you are not doing that. that means failure. if you are not failing at something (which now that i think about it may be my case) you are not really going for it. there should be no trophies for participating without contributing.

Also I stated that I “don’t care.” I was being way too tough and dramatic though the sentiment is accurate. It may be that I don’t have the massive amounts of care that seems to be the popular thing these days. Everybody ain’t gonna make it. Should some of us be held back because we cant take everybody? If I can take anybody with me where I’m going I am not going far enough. As I said I care to some extent. jeffery cannot do this life thing alone. Everybody plays an important part. A very important part, and the significance of that part should always be questioned.

Also please don’t confuse “not caring” with not wanting to help others. I phrased that wrong, don’t associate not caring with not helping others. True in most cases my first reaction is not a positive one but that settles as I evaluate the particular situation and 9.5 times out of 10 I will lend assistance. I don’t necessarily get a joy from this nor a warm fuzzy feeling. I get more of the type of good feeling you get when you contribute to your team and that I am doing my part. Again 90+ percent of the time if asked to help I do and in the cases where I don’t I offer the best solution I can. Especially the times where I feel my time is too valuable doing something that the person “should” do themselves (a purely subjective determination). Also not caring isn’t being disrespectful or dismissive of other human beings. I think it has more to do with not getting caught up and entangled in other people’s emotions. Just the fact’s mam’ and let’s see if we can get this fixed. Save the adjectives just tell me what I need to know to get you going. And it’s a two way street, I don’t ask others for much at all. Very very rarely. I do not want or need someone to depend on. Well, other than my blood family. And I say that in a sense I don’t want to know that I can depend on someone or individuals. I want to feel every waking moment is totally on me. I do not want to become use to that sense of comfort. And when I do ask somebody for something its more of a proposition. An exchange even that should benefit them in the long run.

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