it took me a long while to get to and get use to having nothing to complain or bitch about. it was a lifestyle change. it ain’t easy keeping it easy, it takes work physically and mentally.
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i use to zone out on this song way before i had ever set foot in California. i remember how big and fast it all was those first few years, 36 years ago. 21 years young. there had to be times when i thought i wouldn’t make it, times wh hien i strongly considered moving back “home” but i can no longer remember any of them. 3 months out of small town high school to the state capital for 2 years of tech training to get a technician’s diploma that i would take to pasadena a few months later. a one way greyhound bus ticket to stay with family and folks i grew up with that were already out here. by no means did i do it alone, but i freakin’ made it happen. the moments i stop to cherish where i am and celebrate where i’ve been while remembering the times and people of where i came from and those who assisted in getting me to such a wonderful now…
sometimes i ponder the places and things that i am capable of going and accomplishing and i get dizzy from excitement
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work day 5 of 9 straight. mr. scale said 210.6 this morning, which is as low as it’s been in years. i was thinking with so much going on that i was “kickin’ ass” as far as life is concerned. that may be the case, but then i thought it’s more like i’m in a harmony with a lot of things simultaneously.
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…and i don’t mind one bit. i absolutely LOVE getting and being older. so far my physical is holding up as my mental capacity operates with greater efficiency from experience. knowledge is such power.
not only being comfortable with but celebrating the things i no longer worry or care about. freeing up time and mindspace utilizing the ability to confidently skip that or this and focus on the more important.
everything is relative. subjective to the individual. as i got older i realized that what i think or how i feel about something supersedes just about what other’s say or think. that doesn’t mean i don’t take in consideration everything thought or viewpoint i hear, it means i evaluate and make a determination. take in what i like, while discarding what i don’t all the while continually processing all ideas.
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i think the REAL problem now is the breakdown of communication between people who have strong and passionate opposing opinions. to the point that to be genuinely inquisitive as to why or what triggers another’s emotion that no one can learn or understand. there are different ways to help people. i chose to live as an example that no matter what it is you can rise above it. and there is no need to get blinded and lost in stuff that ultimately doesn’t matter. (matter is subjective as it should be). we all fight our battles where we are. i cant fight on a battlefield i’ve never been on.
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and yes, “in love” with it like it’s my girlfriend. come to think about it, “life” just might be my wife…
i used the word “wife” for the poetic effect of the rhyme, but the term seems too institutionalized or sum’n for what i mean. made me rethink the whole idea of “wife” and marriage. not that i’m against it, but i understand it’s for business purposes- to protect both parties in a proposed long term relationship. “girlfriend” can seem too casual in ways but has a warmer feel. (not a fan of the use of “partner” at all in these situations)
the relationship i’m in with life feels exclusive. by choice im finding that i want nothing and nobody in between me and life. some of my most precious time is being alone and inside my own head. walking into my apartment where there is no obligation to be outside of the realm of my own thought. don’t have to talk to nobody and don’t have to listen to nobody. don’t want to talk to nobody and don’t want to listen to nobody. a focus on my thoughts, ideas and ponderings. during this time right now that’s all i want to do. i’m not talking about being a hermit or separating my self from family or people. it’s the extended time in freedom of thought i cherish right now. Continue reading
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I almost forgot to moisturize my face today. WHEW!! Universe shattering disaster averted…
well, mr scale said 213.6 this morning. a number i’m not mad at, and possibly encouraged by. seeing how i went to sleep too early, woke up and had a in bed snack of UTZ Pub Mix and strawberry gooey cheesecakey stuff. it was sooooooo good. ate the salty and the sweet with fruit punch laying in bed watching a NFL network program about Paul Brown. i didn’t realize how great and what kind of impact he had on the game i most love. and he did it in Cleveland! then went to Cincinnati after the team that bears his name fired him. Continue reading
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