The following is a Daily post from November 24, 2003.
creatures of function. creatures of struggle. with more and more experience i have all but come to the conclusion that humans NEED struggle and humans NEED a function. without one of these things in their life, they can become at least complacent and listless.
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i come to this conclusion from my own experience of periods of times when i have been all but completely satisfied and had no deep desires. periods of time when i WAS NOT hungry, horny, lonely or needing anything. i walk the streets and go through life at least believing that i can have anything or anybody that i want. this point i want to clarify- if it is true or not that i can have anything is not the point. the point is i truly believe and deeply feel that i can. over time this will have an effect on me. and it is having an effect on me.
the up side is that just walking or existing can be extremely pleasurable. i can wade in an euphoria from knowing and understanding how special life and consciousness is. i have enough “free” mental time to truly and deeply appreciate how special life is. how special consciousness and the ability to be aware of one’s self is. i think about “why are we here?” and “what are we?” and “what is the purpose of the universe?” and “what is the reason for the universe?” long periods of time to deep think and feel these questions and wonder.
there is no fear, no apprehension. no sense of urgency that keeps living creatures on defense or energized. 99% of the time i feel im the dominant creature in the area physically, mentally and spiritually. i have no need to struggle, everything is easy and understood. almost everything i see is explained within my philosophy. i have no fears. i have no enemies. there is no conflict. everything is easy…
without desire for fame, wealth or to change the world. im very assured in my belief and philosophy. i believe that humanity could benefit from my understanding, but i have no urge to spread it. and i dont feel that this is something that should be sold or marketed.
with the desire thing comes reward and ecstasy. you cant have ecstasy without desire. so everything that makes you happy comes from the fulfillment of a desire. love is the greatest feeling and provides the deepest ecstasy. is behind love man’s deepest desires and needs for fulfillment? is everything that makes you happy a result of a need being fulfilled? so our happiness, love, ecstasy, etc all begin as an unfulfilled desire. we could not be happy without something negative such as a need.
hunger, despair, loneliness. need for shelter, safety, warmth, stability. social and/or group approval. instinctive and physical needs. without these negative things, would happy exist? what is happy without desire at the root?
