joy from understanding

excitement in accomplishment

ascension

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it took me a long while to get to and get use to having nothing to complain or bitch about. it was a lifestyle change. it ain’t easy keeping it easy, it takes work physically and mentally. sometimes i find temporary pleasure in exercising energy complaining, this helps me realize things i need to address. since i am at an age and accomplishment where i can have or create anything i want complaints quickly give way to action. very very few things in regards to me that i care about are left up to someone else, and if they are i have the knowledge of the system and capability to get to that source and get what i want or need out if it. all this may or may not be an accurate assessment, hell i could even be delusional. BUT this is how i feel my every waking morning. it’s what i believe and what’s with me going thru life. my overview and my outlook. how i feel about life and how i feel life treats me.

no doubt an “easy” life makes you soft. i remember my days of hustle and worry about jobs and where i was gonna live. woke up everyday with a major mission and the energy and drive that goes with such threats to one’s livelihood. if i had anything i had a definite goal. damn near every waking moment. for years. i got thru it. took about 2-3 years of being fairly secure to adjust. it was hard being a temp employee for so long to let my guard down and relax. still kind of hard to believe i am a permanent employee and the security that goes with that. but i did it. i worked for it and i earned it. but still it’s hard to believe and im sure i have not yet fully realized what it means. the life i have now vs 8 years ago or so. wow, it’s been 8 years of steady employment at various places. i remember when things clicked and i got on it. or in it. for whatever reason it felt different chasing them jobs. my attitude or sum’n changed. even when i had jobs i knew that were beneath me i knew it was part of building my work history.

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harmony with everything around you does not mean being totally wimpy and completely going with any flow. i have an obligation to maintain and orchestrate my energy to attain not only proper balance, but to protect myself and steady the flow of energy around me. should external experience and or energy around me go awry the part i play is crucial is steadying things. with harmony comes responsibility

hell, being a part of anything brings responsibility. i learned that a long long time ago and have since pay very close attention to the things i am a “part” of. which means sometimes declaring that i am not a part and do not wish to be included as one. some things you almost have to be a part of and i constantly evaluate the value and cost of such associations. this helps me appreciate them more or realize it’s time to move on. nothing is unconditional. absolutely nothing.

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