I almost forgot to moisturize my face today. WHEW!! Universe shattering disaster averted…
well, mr scale said 213.6 this morning. a number i’m not mad at, and possibly encouraged by. seeing how i went to sleep too early, woke up and had a in bed snack of UTZ Pub Mix and strawberry gooey cheesecakey stuff. it was sooooooo good. ate the salty and the sweet with fruit punch laying in bed watching a NFL network program about Paul Brown. i didn’t realize how great and what kind of impact he had on the game i most love. and he did it in Cleveland! then went to Cincinnati after the team that bears his name fired him.
i’m going out tonight. i still get excited about going out, even after all these years. i been going out for like 35 years now. but i can say it hasn’t been the same. to say it has gotten better doesn’t quite state it correctly, it’s become more significant or more relevant or more something. i go out on a higher plane now, escalated even. maybe my “status” or involvement or something. either way or whatever the word i DEFINITELY am having more fun and enjoying it more. that part i will say has steadily gotten better over the years. knowing a bunch or folks when i go out is cool, but i also like going where i don’t know nobody. and in some p-funk cases where i meet people i “know” but have never met in a city ive never been. i love my side of the stage, that’s my territory. my space to express and rhythm to degrees i possibly can’t publicly anywhere else. well, at Steeler games i can go completely off too
i am in such a good place right now it’s scary. i catch myself being cautious and i don’t even care. in fact, the work i put in from that cautious energy feels good. it’s work im putting into my life monitoring, organizing and administrating it. ive said it many many times. happy takes work and care. happy just don’t happened and you have to stay on your game to maintain it.
the 56 years of foundation ive built for my life is sustaining me beyond my wildest belief. well, ok. the foundation on which i live started way way before me and was formally presented to me by my parents. life was presented on a platter for me but it was up to me to fully utilize it. when you are young you don’t know and or take things for granted. i didn’t stray too far off the path set before me, but i did modify it to suit me. and now i look back at the education, learning, career choices, etc etc and see how they support me now. it’s like a culmination. and it all basically points and leads towards my ultimate goals. well, the ultimate goals i can set for myself for this point and time. you never know what it’s gonna be, and for me that’s one of the best parts of life.
i may have 80-90% of life figured out and that makes it way for me to get the things that i want. but that 10-20% that i may never figure out is what makes life worth living. i don’t want to know it all, just as i don’t want things to be determined for me. that’s why the whole idea of an existence under an all powerful GOD ultimately determining EVERYTHING makes me cringe. that’s the last thing i want. i want whatever this life is to be as wide open as it can be. only limited by the physical laws of space and time until we figure out how to bend and twist even that.
